Fasting From Self-Loathing

I have a love-hate relationship with the Lenten season, to be honest. I don't hate it, and most of the time it's spiritually meaningful to me. But I'm starting to have serious issues with this whole idea of giving something up for Lent. Maybe giving something up can be meaningful for some people, and if it is, I have no judgment against that. But are we giving these things up because G-d is leading us to, or because “everyone else is doing it?”

To be honest, giving up the things that most people give up for Lent (or, in some cases, try to give up) would not enhance my life or my spirituality in any significant way. I am a recovering anorexic, so any type of food fast would be a HORRIBLE idea. I run an Etsy shop, so fasting from the internet is out. I don't drink coffee that often, but on days I need it, you don't want to be around me until I've had it. So there goes that.

This year I was trying to discern if/how G-d was leading me to observe Lent this year, and He had an idea that blew my mind.

G-d asked me to give up self-loathing.

And I'll be honest: most of the time I'm simply trying to give up self loathing, but you know what? It's already life-changing. I can stand to be around myself. Heck, I actually like myself some of the time! I'm not plagued with that feeling of “Ugggh, I'm everywhere I go, I can't get away from myself!”

Now I'm not going to lie: Giving up self loathing, ok, trying to give up self-loathing is Freakin'. Hard. It's not as tangible as giving up coffee or the internet. It's as counter-cultural as you can get, and boy will you feel that. But this is important, because self-loathing is both extremely common and fatal. Think about it. You don't become suicidal if you love yourself.

After I posted on Facebook that I'm giving up self-loathing, a friend suggested the idea of taking something up for Lent, not just giving something up. I decided I'm taking up self-love.

Or rather, I'm trying to! ;)