"Let it Go" Eating Disorder Parody

About four years ago, I finished outpatient treatment for my anorexia.  Miraculously, I made it through with all my teeth and a decent BMI.  When I started, there were some issues with my heart, to put it mildly, but now it's alive and ticking!

I love connecting with other people who have an ED, and one of my online friends told me that the song "Let It Go" is a great description of our struggle.  I'm in a good place for the most part, but I still get the odd rough patch.  Tonight I was really struggling with operation: insert food into face, and I pulled up a subtitled video of "Let it Go".  I let the lyrics sink in as I slowly munched on bread and Nutella.  I connected with it, but I had plenty of my own words to say, so I sat down and wrote this parody in one shot.  

I will make a video of it at some point once I decide whether I want to do it a cappella or if I want to go through the to-do of using someone's piano, since I don't currently have one.

Disclaimer/cover-my-butt:  I do not own the lyrics to "Let It Go", nor am I making any money with this parody.  The lyrics to "Let It Go" are owned by Disney.

“Let it Go” Eating Disorder Parody

Staring at the scale tonight

I don't want to be seen

A kingdom of starvation

And it looks like I'm the queen

The lies are raging, I'm destructing deep inside

Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see

Be the skinny girl you have to be

Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know

But someone must know

Let it go, let it go,

Can't fake it anymore

Let it go, let it go

I've been wounded to the core!

I don't care

What the devil may say

Let the lies rage on

The darkness never bothered me anyway

It's funny how the truth

makes the big things seem so small

and the lies that once controlled me

can't get to me at all

It's time to see what G-d can do

to smash my limits and break through

no black and white, no chains for me,

I'm free

Let it go, let it go

I am joined with G-d Most High

Let it go, let it go,

it's okay to cry

Here I stand

and here I'll stay

let the lies rage on

G-d's power flurries through the air into my heart

My lifeblood's stirring and I'm getting a fresh start

And one lie crystalizes like an icy blast

I'm never going back

the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

let it go, let it go

that skinny girl is gone!

Here I stand

in the light of day

let the lies rage on

the darkness never bothered me anyway!

Why I Left The Group “Christians for Biblical Equality”

I used to belong to a Facebook group called “Christians for Biblical Equality”, which is an extension of a larger organization with the same name. After several months of participating in discussions and reading the articles people posted, I made the decision to leave CBE.

If you didn't know me, you might assume I made that decision because I've become ultra-conservative and I don't believe women should ever have any leadership roles in the church. That couldn't be any further from the truth. I didn't leave the group because I don't believe in equality. I left the group because I believe in equality wholeheartedly, and I did not find true equality in CBE.

If you tell someone they have to dress immodestly and show their hair because “this isn't the 50's”, you are not promoting equality. Whether you realize it or not, you are promoting the lies of our male-dominated, hyper-sexualized society. If you tell a woman that they cannot stay home or make the decision to work part-time in the interest of balancing work and life, you are not promoting feminism or liberation. If anything, you are promoting the opposite. Forcing all women into the workplace is just as oppressive as forcing all of them to stay home.

Another reason I left the group was because a lot of people in the group had extremely anti-Semitic attitudes. I found this out when I mentioned that Jewish teachings on modesty and head covering carry more merit for me than Christian teachings.  I could not believe the ridiculous stereotypes that some Christians believe about Jews and Judaism. Without Judaism, there would be no Christianity, so my patience for anti-Semitism within the church/Christian subculture is nonexistent.

If you're reading this and you're a Christian who believes in equality, do yourself (and everyone else) a huge favor: Leave the CBE group if you're in it, and do some soul searching and some research and learn about true equality. It will change your life!

Three Little Words That Christians Can't Bring Themselves to Say

If there's one thing kids love to do, it's ask questions. Kids want to know how things work, and why they work the way they do. If I can answer questions honestly, I don't hesitate to do so. But sometimes kids ask more complicated questions, and the honest answer is “I don't know.”

Why are those three little words taboo amongst adults? Why do we insist on fabricating explanations for things when we haven't the faintest idea why people are injured or killed in car accidents, or why women miscarry, or why people get cancer when they have healthy lifestyles?

Recently I had a conversation with a twelve-year-old girl who wanted to know why people are always shooting each other and why isn't anyone doing anything to stop this? I sighed from the depths of my being, looked her in the eye, and said, “I don't know, kiddo. I don't have an answer that will satisfy either one of us.”

As someone who didn't grow up going to church, and as someone who is getting more and more disillusioned with westernized Christianity, I can tell you why more and more people are leaving churches. Church is no longer a safe place to ask honest questions or say “I don't know.”

Movies That Have Helped Me Heal

We love good movies because they are driven by good storytelling. We identify with them. We identify with the characters' humanity and dilemmas. I've compiled a list of movies and documentaries that have played an important role in recovery from my package of unfortunate life events.

I'm listing potential triggers in my synopses, but if you have PTSD I encourage you to check out the content advisory on IMDB before watching a movie. Those advisories tend to be pretty thorough. (For those of you who don't know much about PTSD, some people are triggered by certain scenes in books or movies, and the advanced warning beforehand can be very helpful.)

Movies:

1.) Hope Floats (1998) starring Sandra Bullock, Harry Connick Jr, and Gena Rowlands

Do yourself a favor and actually watch it before you write it off as an overrated chick flick! It happens to be amazing. Birdie (Bullock) goes through a journey of self-discovery after her husband has an affair and files for divorce.

2.) 28 Days (2000) starring Sandra Bullock, Dominic West, Ashley Johnson

Alcoholic Gwen (Bullock) is charged with a DWI and spends 28 days in court-ordered rehab. She meets a handfull of interesting characters and learns that she has the power to make positive decisions about her life. The scene where she is stuck wearing the “confront me if I don't ask for help” sign made me laugh hysterically because I know there are times when my loved ones wish they could make me wear a sign like that, haha!

Trigger warning: Heavy drinking in a few scenes, as well as a couple scenes in which characters are found dead after suicide and alcohol overdose.

3.) No Reservations (2007) starring Cathrine Zeta-Jones, Aaron Eckhart, Abigail Breslin

Kate (Zeta-Jones) uses her job as a gourmet chef to escape from her background of neglect and broken relationships. Her budding friendship with a new co-worker (Eckhart) and becoming the legal guardian of her niece (Breslin) force her to make peace with her past and herself.

Documentaries:

1.) Depression: Out of the Shadows (2008), produced by PBS

Depression is a very misunderstood condition. If you live with clinical depression or are close to someone who does, you need to see this one.

Trigger warning: The scenes in which people describe their experiences with severe depression might be a bit upsetting for those who have struggled with it or are currently struggling with it. The documentary also talks about ECT, better known as shock therapy.

2.) Forgiving Dr. Mengele (2006) starring Eva Mozes Kor

Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister were survivors of Mengele's experiments during the Holocaust. On the outside, Kor got her life in order after she was liberated. She emigrated to Israel and then the US, got married, had kids, got a job, and lived a “normal” life. On the inside, unforgiveness turned her into a very sad, angry person. She didn't embrace the power of forgiveness until she was older, but when she did, it changed her life. Unlike many faith-based books on forgiveness, this documentary actually gives a straightforward definition of what forgiveness means.

Trigger warning: Contains footage of Auschwitz and Mengele's lab during the war. Eva has a flashback during an eye exam.

That's my list of movies that have helped me heal. I'm going to work on a list of books and hopefully post it sometime in the next week or so. If that doesn't end up happening, it's not that I don't like you all. I'm dealing with a lot of life events right now and I just need more hours in the day!

The Secret To A Healthy Marriage

I've been happily married for almost three years. I'm always getting asked how I do it, what my secret is.

Well, listen up, because I'm about to tell you THE SECRET of having a happy, healthy marriage! Here it is:

Stop worrying about divorce.

I mean it. Stop. Worrying. About. Divorce.

We've got this idea in the Christian subculture that we can prevent divorce by worrying, talking, and writing about it incessantly. We scare the daylights out of engaged and newlywed couples with our lectures about how they have to have a good marriage because “G-d hates divorce.”

Yes, G-d is not a fan of divorce. He's also not a fan of lunacy, and I'd say that using fear to try to control other people is definitely heading in that direction. Heart attacks can kill people, but we don't try to prevent them by worrying about them incessantly. We prevent them by keeping our bodies as healthy as possible.

It's not any different for marriage. You have a healthy marriage by doing the things that keep it healthy. Keep the lines of communication open. Work through and own your own crap. Laugh. Make mistakes. Give second chances. If you're spending all your time and energy investing in your marriage, you won't have extra energy or brain space for worrying about divorce.

(Note: When I say “G-d is not a fan of divorce”, I am referring to situations where one or both people just give up on the relationship. I am not talking about divorce in the case of domestic violence. If you are in an abusive situation, please get the help you need! I