List of Battles

If there's one thing humans are good at, it's believing things that aren't true. I could go on and on about how the internet has enabled the perpetuation of BS to reach disturbing heights. But that's a different post for a different day.

Today I'm going to address the misconceptions that I battle just about every day of my life. I'm an odd duck, I admit it. I cover my head. I juggle numerous physical and mental health issues. I'm wired differently and have some places in my brain that just don't “click” like everyone else's. That combination of stuff leads to a lot of misconceptions.

Here are just a few of the misconceptions people have had about me. Yes, people are really this ridiculous:

Myth: I struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD because G-d wanted to punish me
Fact: I struggle with all of the above because genetics and environment can suck, and because people have the unfortunate capacity to make choices that screw up other people for life

Myth: Since I cover my head, I must be rigid about gender roles
Fact: yeah, no. Not really. Quite the opposite, actually. (There are so many misconceptions about head covering. I really need to do a separate post about this.)

Myth: Since I am white and have a middle class background, I don't have any problems.
Fact: Ha. Yeah. Right.

Myth: People with learning disabilities just don't think.

Fact: Have you ever been inside my head? I can't shut the darn thing off! Please let me know if you find the off switch so I can catch a break!

Myth: Since I'm a Christian, I'm “anti-gay.”

Fact: Based on my intepretation of Scripture, I cannot accept same-sex attraction as “natural” and therefore do not identify as a “GLBT ally”. However, if your definition of “anti-gay” is turning all Westboro Baptist Church on people who are GLBT, I am not anti-gay, and I most certainly do not condone hate crimes of any kind. I have lost a lot of Christian friends and received some horribly vicious emails due to this radical notion that we are all human beings, and that none of us are a be-all, end-all authority on something as complicated as sexuality.

Myth: Since I'm a Christian, I want all my beliefs to be enforced by the state and national government.

Fact: I've never thought that, and I think it even less so after watching “Persepolis.”

What about you? What are some misconceptions you battle with?

"It's Tough Being A Western Woman"

I was watching this 20/20 special on Malala Yousafzai. It seems so cheesy to say it's a great story, but it really is. And for the D/HH crowd, it's captioned!

I'm mentioning this documentary because there's a line in there that really sums up how I understand feminism, dress, and headcovering these days. For anyone who did not watch the special (which you really should, because it's amazing), there's a scene where Diane Sawyer is interviewing some fundamentalist Muslim women who do not agree with Malala's viewpoint. One of the women is talking about how Western women face a lot of pressure and there is so much focus on what body parts are showing. She says, point blank, “It's tough being a Western woman.”

I disagree with the other stuff this woman said. But I am not going to disagree with that. It's tough being a Western woman. It's tough enough that I'm no longer trying to shove myself into a mold I don't fit, this arbitrary standard of what makes an “ideal woman.” I care about the pointless stuff a lot less now that I cover my head and more of my body than I used to. (My style of dress has evolved a bit in the past two years. I'll be writing more about that in another post.) I dress the way I do because it's FREEING! I'm not saying we should make laws that require every woman to dress like this. That wouldn't be freeing. But you have to understand, I feel freer now than I used to. I used to drive myself crazy worrying about my hair. It's “double thick”, meaning the strands are thick and I have a lot of hair. I struggled to get it to do what I wanted. I wasted so much time worrying about it. I ironed, sprayed, and gooped it up way more than was good for it. It's so much simpler to put on a hat or a scarf (or two or three) and leave it at that.

Before I started covering, people defined me by my appearance. My hair and my body attracted a lot of attention. It got to the point where I felt like that's all I was. Wearing a headscarf and covering the outline of my legs sends the message, “Yes, I have a body, but it's not all I am."  That is not an "un-feminist" message to send. 

I'm not going to insist that every woman cover. But I will say, being a Western woman got much easier when I did.

Different, Inside and Out

If there’s one thing no one wants to be, it’s being thought of as different (in the negative sense of the word.)  Even in the church, people go to great lengths to blend in.  We sugarcoat the tough parts of our theology to avoid offending people.  We don’t want non-Christians to see us as different.

But the thing is, if you are a sincere Christian, you ARE different. You have been adopted into God’s family.  Being different is inevitable.  I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t be an authentic person and be everybody’s friend at the same time.  You just can’t.  I would know, I’ve tried.

By now, covering my head has pretty much become second nature.  I think that has a lot to do with accepting the fact that I already felt different before I started covering.  I won’t go into details here, but let’s just say I’ve faced quite a bit of opposition to the way I’m walking out my faith life, opposition from Christians and non-Christians alike.  I’ve felt different from the first day of this journey, and I’ve been realizing that this is not an accident.  On the contrary, it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be!

Ask Kati: DIY Tichels?

Q: Have you ever tried making your own tichels?  Got any advice for people who want to try making their own?

A:  I have yet to make my own tichels, mostly because it's cheaper to buy them and I'm on a tight-ish budget right now.  I'm also afraid that I wouldn't be able to sew on fabric that thin without snagging it.  The fabric is the main thing to consider if you want to make your own tichels.  You'll want a very thin fabric, something like organdy or a silk blend.   If anyone out there decides to make their own, please let me know how it goes and if you have any more tips! :)