I've
been happily married for almost three years. I'm always getting
asked how I do it, what my secret is.
Well,
listen up, because I'm about to tell you THE SECRET of having a
happy, healthy marriage! Here it is:
Stop
worrying about divorce.
I
mean it. Stop. Worrying. About. Divorce.
We've
got this idea in the Christian subculture that we can prevent divorce
by worrying, talking, and writing about it incessantly. We scare the
daylights out of engaged and newlywed couples with our lectures about
how they have to have a good marriage because “G-d hates divorce.”
Yes,
G-d is not a fan of divorce. He's also not a fan of lunacy, and I'd
say that using fear to try to control other people is definitely
heading in that direction. Heart attacks can kill people, but we
don't try to prevent them by worrying about them incessantly. We
prevent them by keeping our bodies as healthy as possible.
It's
not any different for marriage. You have a healthy marriage by doing
the things that keep it healthy. Keep the lines of communication
open. Work through and own your own crap. Laugh. Make mistakes.
Give second chances. If you're spending all your time and energy
investing in your marriage, you won't have extra energy or brain
space for worrying about divorce.
(Note:
When I say “G-d is not a fan of divorce”, I am referring to
situations where one or both people just give up on the relationship.
I am not talking about divorce in the case of domestic violence.
If you are in an abusive situation, please get the help you need! I
