I've been living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for almost 15 years. For 9 of said 15 years, I had no idea that's what I have. I never wrote about it on my blog because it's not an easy subject, needless to say. I think I deluded myself into thinking that if I didn't talk about it, maybe it would somehow get a bit more compact, a bit easier to contend with. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Before
I go on, let me be up front about the fact that I am never going to
publicly share the details of what happened to cause my PTSD, so
please don't ask. The situation is such that I simply cannot share
publicly without a lot of relational consequences. People who know me in “real
life” and know the situation understand where I'm coming from. For
people who don't, please accept my sincere apologies for not being
able to elaborate. You don't need my story to understand living with
PTSD.
For
anyone who is lucky enough to be unfamiliar with Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder, it's exactly what it sounds like: A stress response
to a traumatic situation. Stimuli in the environment that are
mundane to other people are triggers for us. A good analogy is
allergies. What doesn't bother one person can make another person's
throat close up. Someone who has been in combat might hit the ground
when they hear a sound like a car backfiring, whereas someone who has
not will simply be startled and keep going about their business.
PTSD
was discovered during the later years of the Vietnam War, and is
still extremely common amongst war veterans. Combat is not the only
situation that can cause PTSD. Abuse (in any sense), accidents,
living in war zones, illnesses, natural disasters, and similar
incidents can all cause PTSD if not treated right away.
The
hallmark of PTSD is having flashbacks. When someone is having a
flashback, it's as if they are re-living the traumatic incident. It
doesn't matter if it happened recently or 20 years ago. To a person
with PTSD, when they have a flashback, the incident is happening
again. Flashbacks usually go away on their own and decrease in
frequency and severity as you get further into the recovery process.
Some people have success in snapping themselves out of their
flashbacks. I'll write more about this in another post.
While
I'm on this subject, I want to give a short PSA: If you suspect
that you might have PTSD, you need to make an appointment with your
general practitioner PRONTO. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT go 9
years without coming out of the PTSD closet. The end results are not
pretty. It will mess up your life to a much greater degree than if
you address it as soon as you're aware of it. Unless your doctor
practices integrative care, they will probably refer you to a
psychiatrist or psychologist. I can tell you with absolute certainty that it will not get better until you deal with it.
For people with PTSD, day-to-day life can be an uphill battle. Living a fulfilling, active life is possible, now that I've accepted the fact that I live my life as a trauma survivor. In Part 2, I'll share some of my practical tips for coping.
