Please
don't misunderstand me. I'm not talking about asking honest
questions in the interest of gathering information. Those questions
are not stupid if you think before you ask. I'm talking about asking
ridiculous questions that usually stem from false assumptions,
questions that you can probably figure out the answer to if you think
long enough. Most people who ask stupid questions are not stupid.
That's what makes stupid questions so annoying. You're smarter than
this, people!
Here
are some stupid questions that either I or someone I know have been
asked at one time or another:
Question
#1: “How can you drive if you're hard of hearing?”
I
should make it clear that this is not a stupid question when it's
asked honestly and politely. It is, however, a very stupid question
when it's asked in a panicked tone, and the person is thinking “Oh
my gosh, I can't believe you are out in about driving in your
condition without any kind of assistance!” sort of way. Logically,
if I was unable to drive safely, I would not be doing it.
Question
#2: “How could I have gotten pregnant? I used birth control!”
Um,
yeah. There is a very simple answer to this question. One word:
biology.
Question
#3: “How does the baby breathe during a water birth?”
Obviously,
the baby must grow a set of gills before birth and shed them
immediately after.
Question
#4: “Won't your hearing aids explode if you go through security
scanners or metal detectors?”
Isn't
that just the darnedest thing? These scanners process computers,
phones, and medical devices every day without incident, yet somehow
hearing aids are just too much. So my hearing aids prevent me from
shopping, going to the library, traveling, or having any kind of
life. Sad day!
Question
#5: “When are you going to have kids?”
I've
reached that point in my marriage where people think it's time to
start asking me this question, as if their asking will make me
magically have kids. (It also doesn't help that just about everyone
and their grandmother is having babies right and left these days, but
that's a whooole other discussion.) I really wish I had enough
chutzpah to ask these people when they are planning on retiring or
dying. Their reaction would be priceless.
Question
#6: “Why do you care if I use the word 'retarded' ?”
Okay, so this one isn't hilarious like the others. In fact, it's pretty serious. I
care about this because under these occasional bouts of cynicism, I am a decent,
caring, compassionate human being who knows that the words we use
matter, and you are using that word to slander the mental capacity of
people with intellectual disabilities. I would care if someone
slandered you, and I care when you slander other people.
(Here's
the PSA I mentioned: Words mean things. Ditch the word “retarded.”)
