Today was one of the worst days I've had in awhile. Everything from having to go to the dentist (HISS!) to funky blood sugars and other lame health stuff that was really kicking my butt.
But
since it's in the past, and since laughter is the best medicine, I'm
going to try to do a humorous run-down of how today panned out.
So,
before my dentist appointment, I had to get gas. I got a new car
earlier this summer, and I love it, but the one design flaw is the
fuel door is on the right. Don't get me started on how wrong that
is. Which I totally forgot until I actually pulled up to a pump on
my left and realized, yeeeeah, this isn't going to work. The pumps
on the other side were all full, so I had to pull into a parking spot
and wait, giving all bystanders solid evidence that I'm weird.
I
arrived at the dentist (turns out I just had to get an old filling
re-done) and started my usual routine of listening to Josh Groban and
getting all hopped up on nitrous. The first novicane shot didn't
numb me up quite enough, so they gave me another one, and it wasn't
long before the right side of my face was numb all the way up to my
eye.
Having
a numb eye is, hands down, one of the weirdest experiences a person
can have. Just saying.
I
had planned on dropping off an Etsy package at the post office right
by the dentist after my appointment. However, there were two little
details I completely forgot to factor into my plan. The first detail
was the fact that I would have no control over half of my face after
the filling, and would therefore look like I was having a stroke.
(One time I had an audiology appointment right after a filling, and
the audi took one look at my face and freaked out.) So I went into
the post office wearing my scarf over my face. I felt like Wilson on
“Home Improvement.”
The
second detail was the fact that I was away from home for more than an
hour without food I could eat. I always always ALWAYS have my food
bag and some glucose tabs in my purse, but again, I didn't have
control over half my mouth. I didn't factor that into the equation
when I was packing my food bag for the day, so this translated into
having plenty of food in my purse and no food that I could actually
eat.
I
briefly considered driving across the road to the coffee shop and
getting a smoothie or something with a straw, but my other health
issues chose that moment to unleash a wave of fatigue and nausea.
And since it was the lunch hour, I knew it would be quicker to just
drive home, assuming I could find a way to treat the low. I looked
through my food bag, trying to see if there was anything I could suck
on to make it easier to chew. After a failed attempt to soften an
almond by sucking on it, I realized the only thing in my purse that
I'd be able to suck on was glucose tablets.
What's
more disgusting than eating a glucose tablet? Sucking on one!
Seriously, it was gross. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't
driving. If I was anywhere else, I would've eaten actual food instead of chalk masquerading as candy. But since this was a matter of safety, so I had to insert something gross into my face.
And
now that all this is in the past, and today is almost yesterday, I
just can't stop laughing.
