Kid Stuff: Stages of Child Development in Laymen's Terms

I have an associate degree in early childhood education, which means I've read a lot of books that use words like “hatching” and “launching” to describe different phases in child development.

While I have no objections to using those terms, I've come up with a way to describe the phases of child development that is, in my opinion, more entertaining and descriptive.

First stage: The “Watch out for the baby's head!” stage. (Roughly birth to 12 months.)

Second stage: The “Sweetie, watch your head!” stage. (Once the toddler starts moving around on their own.)

Third stage: The “Where the frak do you get these ideas ?!” stage. (Roughly preschool through early elementary school.)

Fourth stage: The “I don't even want to know where the frak you get these ideas!” stage. (Mid-elementary school up through high school.) 

Now that I'm an adult, the things my sister and I tried to pull as kids are starting to horrify me, haha!