fear of the perfectly natural: random musings

This morning I was out on our balcony tending to the garden.  A wave of frustration hit me when I discovered a bunch of caterpillars on my precious basil plant.  I blasted the thing with my homemade insect repellent (Dr. Bronner's mint soap and water) and pulled off all the leaves with holes, hoping that would be the last of that.

Then it hit me: that is so typical of our culture.  We get grossed out or terrified by things that are perfectly natural.  We're conditioned to be repulsed by insects just doing their thing.  We're so ashamed of perspiration that we slather on antiperspirants loaded with toxic chemicals in hope of suppressing a perfectly natural bodily response to warmer weather.  Justin and I were talking about how there is such intense fear of pain nowadays, particularly pain in childbirth.  Rather than try to work with our bodies, we try to numb ourselves up at the first sign of discomfort.  I'm not saying we should never use pain relief.  It's just stunning how much we've all grown to depend on it.

I think one of the things that can make life simpler is not trying so hard to work against the way God designed things.  It's not the most profound realization I've ever had, but at the same time I think it'd make all the difference if we could really put it into practice.

Back in the saddle!

Sorry I've been so incommunicado!  Due to massive technical difficulties, we only JUST got Comcast here at our apartment.  

It's been a busy couple of months to say the least!  Our balcony garden is in full swing.  We're looking forward to having tomatoes and zucchinis.  I've been trying my hand at "companion planting", that is, planting herbs alongside vegetables as an organic pest repellent.  Been having moderate success with that.  We just bought a huge basil plant at the farmer's market, which smells heavenly!

I have been trying to figure out how to balance plain clothes with keeping cool in this hot weather.  Lately it's been so hot that I really don't want to wear much clothing, so I've mostly been wearing modest tanks with skirts.  On very hot days I haven't even wanted to bother with wearing a kerchief.  It's something I've been continuing to pray about.

I'll try to hop on here in the next few days and write about what's been going on spiritually.  I just wanted to hop on quick and assure you all that I have not disappeared off the face of this earth :).

Greetings from New Brighton!

Hi everyone!  Hope you all had a blessed Easter! 

Sorry I've been out of touch.  We moved to New Brighton on March 24th and we've been busy with getting settled in.  I've been throwing myself into gardening.  I started my seed trays right after we moved.  I'm joining a community garden project with our house church.  That'll start to take shape pretty soon, once the weather decides to stay warmer at night.  I've been growing a bunch of pumpkin seedlings that'll go in the garden, since my balconey is way too small for those.  I just potted a couple green bean seedlings, and I'll pot more of them this week.  I never realized how counter-cultural it is to grow your own food!

I've been plugging away at my list of gifts, and I'll be adding more to the blog soon.  Take care!

A Retraction

I'd like to apologize for my comment in "How it all began" about the cosmetic industry being sinful.  I was painting with too broad a brush, as the saying goes.

I know I've been bad about writing.  We're moving in a month so it's gotten pretty hectic.  But I'll try to write again soon.  God's been doing a lot! :)

Living in Gratitude

Around the time this transformation started, the importance and joy of gratitude began to sink in.  I used to do gratitude journals from time to time, which were simple lists of things I was grateful for that day.  I didn't put too fine a point on it, though.  It just felt like what I should do.  Then I stumbled upon Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience.  This dear sister actually set out to list a thousand gifts she's received from the Lord in the midst of everyday life!  

In early November, I set out to make my own list of the gifts God has given me.  I'm learning that I have to want to find the gifts or I'm not going to want to find them.  But now that I'm starting to look, I'm seeing them everywhere, even places I didn't know gifts could reside!

Right now we're up to 97 and counting!  Here are a few highlights:
49.) Grilled cheese and tomato soup
64.) Amish cookbooks
66.) handmade slippers
77.) the heat in my car is in working order

I'm even seeing gifts in the midst of my current battle with tonsillitis :):
85.) rainbow sherbet :D
86.) our warm, comfortable bed
95.) lazy mornings
96.) antibiotics
97.) long, healing naps


Leave a post if you've started listing a thousand gifts!  I'd love to hear from you!

How It All Began

     It all started after I lost my job in November.  I didn’t feel like God was leading me to look for another one.  My job had become my idol, and it was just sucking the life out of me.  I was letting my boss and co-workers determine my value.  The really sad part was I felt like I didn’t have any other options.

      It was around this time that I started accumulating a few babysitting jobs.  I’d forgotten how much I loved babysitting.  I loved hanging with the kids without other people kicking me around all day.  I felt free.  I also realized how much I loved knitting.  I didn’t really have the time or energy to do it while I was working as a TA.

       I was also starting to get really frustrated with the fashion and cosmetology industries.  After wearing plainer clothes for a while, I began to see how pointless and sinful the fashion industry has become.  There is really no earthly reason to own 30-some pairs of shoes when there are people going barefoot everywhere else in the world.  There’s also the issue of sweatshops and child labor.  When I made the decision to start wearing plain clothes, I was determined to hone my sewing skills and make as many of my own things as possible.  Anything I can’t make, I’ll get it used or buy it from an independent seamstress or supplier.  It’d be wonderful to know that no innocent people were harmed in the making of my clothing.

         I donated my hair in November, and I was driving myself crazy trying to style what was left.  Long hair was so much simpler.  I would just throw it in a braid after washing it, and that was that.  I was also feeling led to wear head coverings on Sundays and Tuesdays for starters (our church group meets on Tuesday nights.)  Long hair would be a lot easier to put under a headcovering.  I decided I will grow my hair long, and simply trim the ends while my hair is braided when it starts looking shabby.  I have never had a positive experience in a hair salon, and the whole industry is based on people recreating other people in their own image.

       Then I began examining the cosmetic industry.  I looked through all my makeup and asked myself why I’d been wearing it.  For the most part, I’ve been wearing it to draw my attention to my face.  I covered up my dark circles, which I hated, and focused on my eyes, which I loved.  I had fallen into the trap of spending way too much time at the mirror.  I decided to try going without makeup for a while to see what happened.  Getting ready in the morning became a lot simpler.  There have also been numerous emotional and spiritual changes.  It’s like I’ve taken off a mask.  I’m not pretending anymore.  What you see is what you get.  My strengths and weaknesses are what they are.  I’ve also stopped focusing on other people’s appearances.  I’m slowly becoming less judgmental.  I’m getting more in tune with people’s personalities and needs.

           I’m not going to pretend that I’ve got everything figured out, or that I’ve magically become content with this new way of life.  I don’t have any kind of flourish or big ending for this entry.  This isn’t even really an ending.  It’s more of a beginning of the path I’m being called to.  The most appropriate parting words I can think of come from Elizabeth Hunnicutt’s song On The Way:

                “Still I fall and You reach; I am foolish, so You teach;

                  I wander but You stay by my side on the way.”