It goes without saying
that divorce is an iffy topic in the church today. Christians who are not divorced are quick to past judgment
on those who are divorced. That in
itself is bad enough, but what’s even more pathetic is the treatment I’ve
received from some Christians because I am a divorce kid. As someone who has been a DK for about
17 years and a Christian for 9 years, I’ve got a lot to say on this subject.
I’ve boiled it down to a few bullet points. Here goes:
1.) Telling me that “God hates divorce” or that
you “don’t believe in divorce” is a surefire way to stay off my A-list. If you are not a divorce kid, you have about as
much authority on this subject as I would on being a Holocaust survivor. And yes, God does hate divorce. He also hates every other sin. So put down your stones.
2.) Blended families exist. Deal with it. The church
has this really annoying habit of overlooking people who don’t come from
“traditional” families. Regardless
of your views on gay marriage and family preservation, non-traditional families
are a part of reality. I should
not have to explain to adults that I have both biological and
step-parents. Adults should also
know better than to ask me if I have “real” parents, or “why don’t I have real
parents.” Sometimes I just want to
say “Poke them! They’re
real!” The fact that I have to ask
adults to please use the term “biological parents” and “step-parents” is just
sad.
3.) My parents’ divorce has significantly impacted
my life, but it hasn’t destroyed it. It’s a complete myth that divorce has
no impact on children. It will
affect them in ways they won’t completely understand until they hit adulthood.
Kids don’t fully understand all the ramifications of divorce. If you’re reading
this and you’re a divorced parent, this is especially important for you to keep
in mind. However, it’s very
important that you don’t send a DK the message that their life and their future
relationships are done for because of their parents’ divorce.
4.) The church has, for the most part, failed to
be a safe place for DK’s to ask questions and receive support. I’ve always been more comfortable talking about my parents’ divorce
with people who describe themselves as non-Christians or not religiously
affiliated. I wouldn’t be
surprised if that’s the case for other Christian DK’s as well. I wish the church was more supportive,
but apparently casting stones is more fun than being supportive and admitting
that people are complex and imperfect.
I don’t think the church’s
treatment of divorcees and DK’s is just about divorce. This is just a symptom of the fact that
we have turned into a fake church where it’s not okay to be human. I found this article on Sojourners, and I couldn’t have said it better myself!
