Tips for Navigating Social Situations With Hearing Loss

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

I wanted to take a few minutes and write about that oh-so-lovely intersection of hearing loss and social situations. I've gained a lot of self-confidence in this area, especially over the past several months, and I know I'm not the only person who's struggled with it. While this is by no means an exhaustive list, here are the things that have made social situations a lot easier for me. (As is the case with everything I write about hearing loss and hearing aids, I have no authority on wearing a cochlear implant, so CI users will have to be the judge of whether or not this information is useful.)

1.) Make sure your hearing aids are good quality and correctly programmed, and make sure you wear them all the time. I can't emphasize this enough. When I got my first pair of aids about 4 and a half years ago, I only wore them when I went out of the house for fear of wasting the batteries. The end result of that was my brain didn't adjust to them as much as it could have, and I didn't hear as well as I could have. Wearing your hearing aids consistently will help you hear better in noisier situations like restaurants and parties.

2.) Wear hearing aids that have a background noise filter. These days, most hearing aids have at least one channel that filters out at least some background noise. Don't even try to get through noisy situations without it. If you aren't sure how to access that channel, talk with your audiologist.

3.) Be discerning about when to advocate for yourself and when to avoid conflict. This has been a huge issue for me. I used to participate in a lot of Bible studies that were video-based with small group discussions, and it was always a toss-up whether the instructors would let my group meet in a quiet place or turn on the captions (or let me do it.) When I developed the habit of emailing instructors ahead of time to explain my situation, some of them told me right off the bat that they weren't going to accommodate my needs for one BS reason or another.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying we should never stick up for our needs or try to work things out. But I've wasted a lot of energy on selfish, stubborn people who just wouldn't budge. You have to know when it's worth fighting and when it's not. This is especially important if you have any kind of anxiety or mental health issues on top of hearing loss.

4.) Be up front in a matter-of-fact way. Depending on the situation, I might say something like, “I'm hard of hearing, so please face me when you talk. If I don't respond, I'm not ignoring you, I just didn't hear you.” My hearing loss does not affect my speech all that much, and my head scarves cover my hearing aids, so my hearing loss tends to go unnoticed by people unless I say something. I've wasted so much time being angry at other people and thinking it was their responsibility to make sure they could communicate with me. But they can't when I don't ask! Once I started communicating my needs in a constructive way, most people were more than happy to oblige.

5.) Try to be specific in asking for repetition. This shows the other person that you are genuinely trying to understand. Saying “What?” is rude and vague. “Could you repeat that?” Works when I've missed a sentence or two. But if I caught part of a sentence, the most effective way to ask for repetition is to repeat what I've heard, and pinpoint what I didn't. For example, “I'm sorry, you did what last Tuesday?”

6.) When playing board or card games, keep your communication needs in mind. With games making a comeback, it's important to think about how your hearing loss might affect things. If I'm going to be at a party or someplace with lots of background noise, I don't bother with games like Catch Phrase, where the whole game is based on verbal communication. I save those for quieter settings. I stick with games that involve little or no verbal communication. For games that involve minimal communication, like Set or BS, I'll sometimes come up with signs or gestures to use for those words. It's a handy tool even if you don't sign otherwise.

7.) Don't waste your time with people who don't “get it.” I kind of touched on this earlier, but it's important. Most people will “get it” if you tell them what you need in a constructive way. But this world is not a perfect place, and there will always be people who don't get it. You don't need them. You are a wonderful, ordinary, normal person who just happens to wear hearing aids. If someone else repeatedly does not try to understand that, that's their funeral.

I think that's about it! I'm going to be pretty busy until after the 1^st, so I'll talk with you all in 2014! Have a happy and safe new year!

Silence Is Golden. So Shut Up!

I'm really trying hard to not complain about things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really matter. But what happened today does not fit that description by any means. I am so hurt and horrified by what happened today. And I was even more horrified when some of you mentioned on Facebook that you'd had similar experiences.

I was at the Starbucks in a Barnes and Noble. As the cashier was ringing up my coffee, she asked if I wanted to purchase any gift cards. When I told her “no thanks”, she then asked if I wanted to purchase one of the books on the counter, explaining that the proceeds from those books went toward providing books for disadvantaged children. Had money allowed, I would have happily purchased ten of those books. But it just wasn't in the budget this time around, so I gave another polite “No, thanks.”

I have never experienced anything like what happened next. She asked me if I was serious, and how could I be so selfish. At the time I couldn't do anything other than pick up my coffee without saying a word and just walking over to an empty table. I was in too much shock and I had too much other stuff on my mind to really process it.

But now it's several hours after the fact, and I want to share what I wish I'd have been able to say to her:

“You met me five minutes ago. You don't know anything about me. You don't know that I've been to hell and back. You don't know all the choices I've made in my life. I've made some stupid ones, but I've also made some incredibly selfless ones. If I say I can't afford a book right now, you have no business calling me a liar. I have been in your life for exactly five minutes, if that. If you are a Christian, your behavior today is a stain on the honor of what it means to represent Christ. I suggest you reread the story about the widow and the copper coins.

Since you clearly had nothing nice to say, the nicest thing you could have done was shut up.”

And the thing that really pisses me off is, I can be plenty judgmental. So if someone is judgmental enough to make me look good, I don't know what that says about them. We really need to stop judging people. I'm saying this to myself as much as anyone else.

And if we slip up and judge someone, let's at least have the common sense not to let it come out of our mouths.

A Humorous Take On A Less-Than Humorous Day

Today was one of the worst days I've had in awhile. Everything from having to go to the dentist (HISS!) to funky blood sugars and other lame health stuff that was really kicking my butt.

But since it's in the past, and since laughter is the best medicine, I'm going to try to do a humorous run-down of how today panned out.

So, before my dentist appointment, I had to get gas. I got a new car earlier this summer, and I love it, but the one design flaw is the fuel door is on the right. Don't get me started on how wrong that is. Which I totally forgot until I actually pulled up to a pump on my left and realized, yeeeeah, this isn't going to work. The pumps on the other side were all full, so I had to pull into a parking spot and wait, giving all bystanders solid evidence that I'm weird.

I arrived at the dentist (turns out I just had to get an old filling re-done) and started my usual routine of listening to Josh Groban and getting all hopped up on nitrous. The first novicane shot didn't numb me up quite enough, so they gave me another one, and it wasn't long before the right side of my face was numb all the way up to my eye.

Having a numb eye is, hands down, one of the weirdest experiences a person can have. Just saying.

I had planned on dropping off an Etsy package at the post office right by the dentist after my appointment. However, there were two little details I completely forgot to factor into my plan. The first detail was the fact that I would have no control over half of my face after the filling, and would therefore look like I was having a stroke. (One time I had an audiology appointment right after a filling, and the audi took one look at my face and freaked out.) So I went into the post office wearing my scarf over my face. I felt like Wilson on “Home Improvement.”

The second detail was the fact that I was away from home for more than an hour without food I could eat. I always always ALWAYS have my food bag and some glucose tabs in my purse, but again, I didn't have control over half my mouth. I didn't factor that into the equation when I was packing my food bag for the day, so this translated into having plenty of food in my purse and no food that I could actually eat.

I briefly considered driving across the road to the coffee shop and getting a smoothie or something with a straw, but my other health issues chose that moment to unleash a wave of fatigue and nausea. And since it was the lunch hour, I knew it would be quicker to just drive home, assuming I could find a way to treat the low. I looked through my food bag, trying to see if there was anything I could suck on to make it easier to chew. After a failed attempt to soften an almond by sucking on it, I realized the only thing in my purse that I'd be able to suck on was glucose tablets.

What's more disgusting than eating a glucose tablet? Sucking on one! Seriously, it was gross. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't driving. If I was anywhere else, I would've eaten actual food instead of chalk masquerading as candy.  But since this was a matter of safety, so I had to insert something gross into my face.  

And now that all this is in the past, and today is almost yesterday, I just can't stop laughing.

Love/Hate Update 11/23

Things are still rough going, for a lot of reasons I'm still not comfortable sharing.  But for some reason, I still want to try to keep blogging with some sort of regularity, so here's another love/hate update.

Love:
-all the wonderful people I get to work with in my church's Christmas play, "It's a Wonderful Life: The Musical".  It's been tiring, but fun.  I'm in the chorus and loving it.  If you're going to be in MinneSNOWta for the holidays, you should come see it! 

-the relief that comes from working through hefty crap that's had a hold on me for years

-having a healthy marriage where working through things trumps fear of getting divorced

-cats.  They make life more bearable.  The last known case of someone being crabby while a cat purred at them was never.

-growing closer with my wonderful sister as we get older.  Also loving the fact that she'll be in town for BOTH major holidays this year!

-"Monty Python's Flying Circus".  The hubby and I are getting hooked on it.  It's a bit crude at times, (ok, sometimes a lot crude), but it's hilarious.  We've been making up our own versions of the lumberjack song. No, we're not weird or anything! :p


Hate:
-this past year.  It's had its good points, but it's also been full of pain, change, and loss.  Can we be done with this year, please?

-the fact that said pain, change, and loss is bringing old habits and strongholds out of the woodwork.

-the fact that my wonderful sister doesn't exactly live nearby

-spiritual constipation.  There's been a lot of it lately.

Between the play and the holidays coming up, I might hit a new low for posts.  In case that ends up happening, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!  Take care!

Progression of My Views on Technology

Unlike the generations that will follow me, I have memories of life before the technological revolution.  Generally speaking, I hate change, and therefore I was pretty resistant to most of the technological milestones I've seen.  Here is a timeline of my oh so positive responses to each milestone, and how I eventually responded.

"Why would anyone put a computer game on a CD?"  (1995, age 7.  Just a few short years later, I had a whole collection of games.)

"Who needs the internet?  Why would two computers need to talk to each other?" At age 8. (I now run my own online Etsy shop.)  

"Why would anyone use a 'car phone'?" Around age 8-9, back before they were called cell phones.  (I've had my own cell phone since I was 16.)

"What's the point of digital photography?" Around age 14.  (Now I take digital pictures all the time, and haven't ordered any prints since my husband and I ordered wedding photos.)

"Text messaging is so stupid!"  At age 16, after getting my first cell phone.  (Now that my hearing and speech perception are going down the crapper, I text way more than I talk.)

"Who needs an Ipod touch?"  Me at 18-19.  (Registered for one as a wedding gift just 4 years later.)

"Iphones are the most pointless things ever!"  (Irritated at having the Ipod separate from my phone, and having to always carry both devices everywhere, I will be getting my first Iphone when I upgrade my phone in a few months.)

I also used to balk at the idea of using any type of electronic calendar, but now I use the one on the Ipod constantly and look forward to experimenting with other apps once i have my Iphone.  

Yay for technological progress! :)

The Essence of PTSD In A Piece of Music

Right now, I'm in a place where I'm writing a lot but it's not stuff I would ever want to share on this blog.  Frankly, life tough going right now, in just about every sense.  Happens to all of us.  I'm not saying it'll be like this forever, but I'm also not going to pretend it's a bed of roses right now.

I stumbled upon this piece and I want to share it with you because I have never found anything that embodies the emotional component of PTSD quite like this piece does. 

PTSD Coping 101, Part 2: Practical Coping Tips

Click here to read Part 1.

In the past couple years, I've discovered some tricks for coping with PTSD that have made life a little more bearable. Feel free to pick and choose what works for you.

1.) Know your triggers, and take reasonable measures to avoid them.

After developing a serious allergy to shellfish, I realized it's the perfect analogy for thinking about coping with PTSD. For whatever reason, my body cannot respond to shellfish “normally.” If I eat shellfish, my mouth will go numb and my lips will puff up like Chinese dessert biscuits. Since I know that is how I will react, I don't eat shellfish, or any food that might have come into contact with it.

The same rule applies to PTSD. Ask yourself what triggers flashbacks or anxiety attacks. Some triggers, like movies that remind you of the incident, can be avoided to some extent. This is a huge trigger for me. Before watching a new movie, I go on IMDB and take a look at the parental content advisory. Depending on the movie, I either won't watch it at all or I will skip the part I know will cause a trigger. Knowing it's coming is a huge help.

2.) If you can't avoid a trigger, make a plan and stick to it.

Triggers that can't be avoided can be a bit more challenging. Going to the eye doctor and the dentist are torture for me. But it's a part of life, and a part of taking charge of my overall preventative care. So I make every effort to get through those experiences as comfortably as possible. I request nitrous oxide (laughing gas) for EVERY dental appointment, even checkups. I bring my Ipod and listen to relaxing music. People with extremely incapacitating PTSD might opt for full sedation or anesthesia. But those options are not without their medical risks, not to mention astronomical costs, and I'm at the point where the nitrous oxide and my music are enough for routine exams and minor dental work.

Going to the eye doctor is tougher because obviously I have to be fully awake. It's never a fun experience, but it's more bearable if you have a good relationship with your eye doctor. Be specific about how they can help you get through it. I ask my eye doctor to move very slowly if she has to get close to my eyes or head, and to talk me through the whole thing. If you have trouble with sudden movements close to your head, don't even attempt the “air puff” test for glaucoma. Find an eye doctor who doesn't use it. When you call to make your appointment, double check that your clinic hasn't started using it. If they refuse to do one of the other less invasive (and more reliable) glaucoma tests, change clinics. I'm serious.

If you have PTSD, you've been through enough already.

3.) Know your physical/psychological signs of panic attacks and flashbacks and how to respond.

With my shellfish allergy, I know I have to pop the Benadryl when my mouth starts going numb. At that point I still have enough oxygen and mental capacity to get the Benadryl before it gets worse. It's the same with the PTSD. I have this odd sense of “impending doom” when I'm about to have a panic attack or flashback. I don't know how else to explain it. At that point, I am usually still “there” enough to know it's coming and to communicate what I need if someone is with me. Even if I can't spit out a sentence, I usually get a few words out and throw in a gesture or two if I act fast enough.

4.) Ditch people who won't even try to understand the situation. Surround yourself with people who get it. Don't be afraid to tell them what you need.

If you have PTSD, you have lived through hell on earth. You need to do yourself a huge favor and stop wasting time with people who just make you more miserable. People who do not have PTSD don't have a grid for it. You need to surround yourself with people who are brave enough to accept this. Just like I wouldn't waste my time with someone who makes fun of me for having to avoid shellfish, I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't try to understand why I have to check movie content ahead of time even though I'm an adult. I am so lucky to have a husband who is amazingly supportive. By now he's seen it all, and is pretty good at reading me and figuring out what I need even if I'm too far gone to speak.

These posts barely scratch the surface of what it's like to live with PTSD or love someone who lives with it. I will write more posts on the different facets of the subject as I'm emotionally able. Please bear with me if they wind up being few and far between. Hopefully this will be useful to someone somewhere!

PTSD Coping 101, Part 1: PTSD for Dummies

I've been living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for almost 15 years. For 9 of said 15 years, I had no idea that's what I have. I never wrote about it on my blog because it's not an easy subject, needless to say. I think I deluded myself into thinking that if I didn't talk about it, maybe it would somehow get a bit more compact, a bit easier to contend with. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Before I go on, let me be up front about the fact that I am never going to publicly share the details of what happened to cause my PTSD, so please don't ask. The situation is such that I simply cannot share publicly without a lot of relational consequences. People who know me in “real life” and know the situation understand where I'm coming from. For people who don't, please accept my sincere apologies for not being able to elaborate. You don't need my story to understand living with PTSD.

For anyone who is lucky enough to be unfamiliar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it's exactly what it sounds like: A stress response to a traumatic situation. Stimuli in the environment that are mundane to other people are triggers for us. A good analogy is allergies. What doesn't bother one person can make another person's throat close up. Someone who has been in combat might hit the ground when they hear a sound like a car backfiring, whereas someone who has not will simply be startled and keep going about their business.

PTSD was discovered during the later years of the Vietnam War, and is still extremely common amongst war veterans. Combat is not the only situation that can cause PTSD. Abuse (in any sense), accidents, living in war zones, illnesses, natural disasters, and similar incidents can all cause PTSD if not treated right away.

The hallmark of PTSD is having flashbacks. When someone is having a flashback, it's as if they are re-living the traumatic incident. It doesn't matter if it happened recently or 20 years ago. To a person with PTSD, when they have a flashback, the incident is happening again. Flashbacks usually go away on their own and decrease in frequency and severity as you get further into the recovery process. Some people have success in snapping themselves out of their flashbacks. I'll write more about this in another post.

While I'm on this subject, I want to give a short PSA: If you suspect that you might have PTSD, you need to make an appointment with your general practitioner PRONTO. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT go 9 years without coming out of the PTSD closet. The end results are not pretty. It will mess up your life to a much greater degree than if you address it as soon as you're aware of it. Unless your doctor practices integrative care, they will probably refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist.  I can tell you with absolute certainty that it will not get better until you deal with it.  

For people with PTSD, day-to-day life can be an uphill battle.  Living a fulfilling, active life is possible, now that I've accepted the fact that I live my life as a trauma survivor.  In Part 2, I'll share some of my practical tips for coping. 

"It's Tough Being A Western Woman"

I was watching this 20/20 special on Malala Yousafzai. It seems so cheesy to say it's a great story, but it really is. And for the D/HH crowd, it's captioned!

I'm mentioning this documentary because there's a line in there that really sums up how I understand feminism, dress, and headcovering these days. For anyone who did not watch the special (which you really should, because it's amazing), there's a scene where Diane Sawyer is interviewing some fundamentalist Muslim women who do not agree with Malala's viewpoint. One of the women is talking about how Western women face a lot of pressure and there is so much focus on what body parts are showing. She says, point blank, “It's tough being a Western woman.”

I disagree with the other stuff this woman said. But I am not going to disagree with that. It's tough being a Western woman. It's tough enough that I'm no longer trying to shove myself into a mold I don't fit, this arbitrary standard of what makes an “ideal woman.” I care about the pointless stuff a lot less now that I cover my head and more of my body than I used to. (My style of dress has evolved a bit in the past two years. I'll be writing more about that in another post.) I dress the way I do because it's FREEING! I'm not saying we should make laws that require every woman to dress like this. That wouldn't be freeing. But you have to understand, I feel freer now than I used to. I used to drive myself crazy worrying about my hair. It's “double thick”, meaning the strands are thick and I have a lot of hair. I struggled to get it to do what I wanted. I wasted so much time worrying about it. I ironed, sprayed, and gooped it up way more than was good for it. It's so much simpler to put on a hat or a scarf (or two or three) and leave it at that.

Before I started covering, people defined me by my appearance. My hair and my body attracted a lot of attention. It got to the point where I felt like that's all I was. Wearing a headscarf and covering the outline of my legs sends the message, “Yes, I have a body, but it's not all I am."  That is not an "un-feminist" message to send. 

I'm not going to insist that every woman cover. But I will say, being a Western woman got much easier when I did.

Halloween Costumes and White Privilege

First of all, I'm going to refer to white privilege during this post. If you are unfamiliar with white privilege, I suggest you look it up first. Also, keep in mind that while I did study white privilege for a class in college, I'm by no means an expert on the subject, and I'm not pretending to be.

I stumbled upon this article about a group of college students who are expressing disapproval of some of the Halloween costumes out there. I had shared the article on Facebook and received several different (but equally well thought-out!) responses. There are also a lot of thoughtful, varied comments on the page itself. I wanted to share my thoughts on here. A few people also brought up the interesting question of “Is it okay to dress like witches?” and “Is it okay to dress like Jesus/G-d?” While those are excellent questions, those are separate issues from race, and I'm not going to address them in this post. I might do another post if I have time. I'll have to see; it's going to be a busy week.

A lot of people were in agreement that a white person dressing like a Native American or putting on blackface is inappropriate. But some people didn't see the problem with dressing in Asian or Hispanic costumes like the ones shown in the picture. This was a very thoughtful, respectful discussion for the most part. But I have to wonder how much knowledge and understanding of white privilege went into the discussion.

White privilege is the easiest to identify when you are talking about our historical relations with black people and Native Americans. It can be more subtle, I think, when we're talking about other ethnic groups, because in our white minds, oppression of those groups is not as blatant. I think the reason people think that is because oppression of other races like Asians and Hispanics isn't as well-known. If it was, it would be easier to see that white privilege exists in our relations with other minorities as well.

The subject of costumes is an issue of white privilege when it doesn't add up if you turn the situation around. If someone who wasn't white decided to dress up in a Scandinavian folk outfit as a means of dressing up as a “white person” we would, understandably, take offense. “White culture” is not a homogenous thing. Not every white person is Scandinavian, and that costume does not accurately describe ALL Scandinavians. Racism says that white privilege is irrelevant and it doesn't matter if we do that to non-whites. White privilege says, “It would be wrong if they did it, so it needs to be wrong when we do it.”

The Importance of the National Missionary Movement

I know I haven't written about spiritual things in awhile. That's mostly because I've been thinking about and researching the way the Westernized church (read: the white church) has always done things, and I've come to some conclusions that I know won't be popular. But Christianity is supposed to be about truth, not popularity. Therefore, I have a moral obligation to share these things.

The issue I'm going to tackle in this post is mission work. I'm not saying we shouldn't do it. But the WAY we do it needs serious work. Mission work needs to be about people, not personal agendas. I stumbled upon this article. It's entitled “10 Reasons Not to Become a Missionary".” In my experience, these seem to be the 10 most common reasons why people become missionaries.

After learning about the national missionary movement through Gospel For Asia, I'm convinced this is the way to go in most cases. Right now, I wouldn't say I think we should NEVER send Western missionaries overseas, but I do think it should be the last resort, not the first. Christianity was never intended to be the “white man's religion.” It's still perceived that way in countries that were colonized by the US and Europe.

I'm not going to elaborate on why national missionaries are the way to go. The GFA website explains all that, and it's pretty simple. I want to focus on the bigger question of why we aren't spending more time, energy, and resources on national missionaries. I know there's not a simple answer to that, but I want to share my theories, because I've given this a lot of thought, and it's important.

We have a savior complex here in the American church. We get it into our heads that other countries have problems that only we have the solutions to. Are we serious?! Wake up and smell the bullshit! We have plenty of our own problems! Saving people is a job we are not qualified for! Our job is to lead them to the only One who can save them. And that can't happen until we buck up and put G-d and people before our own selfishness.

Hell Hath No Fury

I'm sure you're all familiar with Shakespeare's famous quote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."  Lately I've been rather irritated with different aspects of everyday life.  Not seriously irritated, but irritated enough to want to get it out of the system.  I thought it would be funny to express all this in statements that start with "hell hath no fury..."  So here goes:

Hell hath no fury like a woman who wishes her cat would actually do something about all these darn flies.  Hell hath no fury like a woman with a flyswatter.

Hell hath no fury like a twentysomething who is sick to death of wearing her night retainer.  Hell hath no fury like a woman who is sick of discussing the possibility of future braces with her dentist.  (After all, orthodontia is for teenagers, and the last thing I need is something to make me look younger than I already do.)

Hell hath no fury like the woman who somehow managed to bonk herself in the nose.

Okay, I think that's about all I've got.  It's late.  Feel free to add your own endings to "hell hath no fury" in the comment section if you're so inclined! G'nite, everyone!

 

Stomping Out the Word "Deserve"

The word “deserve” is possibly one of the most overused words in the Christian subculture. People have so many opinions on what we don't deserve because of original sin, or what we do deserve because Christ lives in us. We can spin scripture to “prove” that we do or don't deserve pretty much whatever we want.

And that's why we really need to be done with the word “deserve.” Can we really know, with absolute certainty, what we do or don't deserve in this life? Some people think so, but I've come to the conclusion that said people are a few grapes short of a fruit salad on this one. People have so many different definitions of “deserve” that it's become too subjective to be any sort of barometer for our behavior.

We need to ask ourselves what we legitimately need, and we need to get those needs met, regardless of whether or not others think we “deserve” it. I need rock-solid stability in my life after everything I've been through. I need work-life balance. (Think running an Etsy shop isn't work? Ha! Think again!) I need to make time for things that actually make me feel good, not just things that seem “productive” to me. I need to find that delicate balance between getting enough social interaction and not wearing out the “innie” half of my “ambi-vert” personality. I need knitting, writing, and art like a diabetic needs insulin.

Do I “deserve” any of those things? I honestly don't know. You could say I deserve them because I'm a “good” person, or you could say I don't because I'm a “bad” person. But I don't think it's that simple. There are very few people who are ALL good or ALL bad. And because of that, I don't know if I deserve any of these things. But I know I need them.

A Word About Expectations

This post is about as close to discussing my political views as I'm going to get.  Generally, I try to focus more on social justice than politics.  (And no, they are not the same thing, but that's a whole other topic.)  It's not that I don't have political views.  I assure you, I do.  But I don't identify with a specific party, and if you're a Christian and not a Republican, some Christians treat you like the antichrist.  So trying to have a discussion doesn't usually get me anywhere.  But I'm getting so fed up with all the heat around the topics of health care and same-sex marriage that I'm going to explode if I don't say something. 

Ultimately, it's about expectations.  You're probably wondering what expectations have to do with politics.  Expectations have EVERYTHING to do with politics!  

Expectations are the backbone of our viewpoints.  For example, many people who oppose health care reform do so because they believe that abortion is immoral. Their expectation is that people should not have abortions.  They believe more people will fail to meet this expectation if it's not legally enforced.  Another example is the issue of same-sex marriage.  Generally, people who oppose it do so on the grounds of believing (having an expectation) that marriage is between a man and a woman.  

Do I have my views on these subjects?  Goodness, yes!  But I don't attach the same expectations to them as most people.  I have my viewpoints based on what I believe is "right", but I can't expect someone else to share those views if they don't interpret religious texts the same way as me.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people will find ways to do what they want, to carry out what they will believe in, and there's only so much the government can do about it.  

That concludes the first (and probably last) politically-oriented entry on this blog.  I care more about people than politics.  But again, I had to say something.

Love/Hate Update 10/2/13

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been having a rough time of it emotionally and spiritually. Blogging is one of the first things to go whenever that happens. Here's an update on the past few weeks or so, using my Love/Hate format.

Love:

-Esther. We just hit the one-year anniversary of her forever home day. So grateful for this kitty! She is our resident pillow-warmer, therapy kitty, and pilates companion. If only she had even the slightest interest in being our resident fly hunter!

-Knitting. The Etsy shop is back up and running, and I love it! Still trying (read: struggling) to maintain a “work”/life balance. But it's a work in progress.

-My sister. Is coming. To town. NEXT WEEK! I am so BONKERS excited about this. Ever since she graduated from college and moved away and became a real grown-up and stuff, I don't get to see her much anymore.

Hate:

-How everyone, but especially Americans, put too much faith in the government. The government is like money. It's a tool that is very useful for some problems, but it can't solve EVERY problem

-being a Christian while having SERIOUS issues with westernized Christianity, as well as organized religion in general. I don't think I can adequately describe how difficult this is. Once I find the words, I will definitely be writing more about this.

How To Revive A Hearing Aid That's Been Exposed To Moisture

First of all, I have to be honest. The worst-case scenarios, such as a hearing aid that's gone through the washing machine, are too far gone. If your hearing aid has gone through the washing machine, it's a goner. Don't even bother trying to revive a hearing aid that's been through the washer.

If the hearing aid has only been exposed to mild or moderate moisture, such as rain or falling into a puddle, it might be possible to revive it. The quicker you are able to revive it after exposure, the most likely your aid will “survive.” For the record, I've done this twice. One of the times I was successful, and the other time I wasn't. It all depends on the amount of moisture and how quickly you are able revive it.

Here's how to revive a hearing aid:

Step 1: If the hearing aid will not turn on, disconnect the hearing aid from the earmold tubing, remove the battery, and open the battery pack. (Dispose of the battery. Batteries can't withstand any moisture.)

Step 2: If a dehumidifier is handy, put the hearing aids in it right away. If you don't have it on hand, put your hearing aid in a container or ziploc with a bunch of rice. If you don't have access to a dehumidifier or rice, set your hearing aid and earmold out on a flat surface. Try turning it on again in a couple hours or so. If you get sound, awesome! If you don't, move on to step 3.

Step 3: Turn a blowdryer on low speed and low heat and blow-dry the hearing aid for a few minutes. If you're at work or out and about, the hand dryers in the bathroom should suffice, but don't hold it too close. (Do not blow-dry the mold, just the hearing aid.) If your hearing aid has not been exposed to copious amounts of moisture, it should revive by this point. If it doesn't, you can try leaving it in the dehydrator overnight. If it's still dead in the morning, it can't be revived.

If you don't have a hearing aid dehumidifier or a blow-dryer, get both. Everyone who uses hearing aids must own a blow-dryer, male or female. Blow-dryers are relatively inexpensive and they can save your hearing aids.

Tips for New and Prospective Hearing Aid Users

I don't know how many readers have been newly diagnosed with hearing loss. But just in case someone out there is wearing hearing aids for the first time, or about to get hearing aids, I'd like to share some tips that will, hopefully, make this transition a little easier. I don't have a cochlear implant, but I'm sure this would also apply to CI's as well.

1.) Your first pair of aids should only be used under the supervision of an audiologist. I bought my current pair of hearing aids online and am thrilled with the results, but my first pair came from the audiologist. I know it costs an arm and a leg to get them from there, but it's really worth it the first time around. In the US, health insurance rarely covers hearing aids but most clinics will let you set up a payment plan. I've heard from a few hearing aid users in Canada and the UK and other European countries who said their aids were either covered or mostly covered by insurance. So if you live outside the US, check with your insurance provider, because it may be covered.

2.) When you first put your hearing aids on, things WILL sound weird. Give your ears and brain time to adjust before taking the aids back for a tune-up. I've seen YouTube videos of people getting a cochlear implant activated or putting on hearing aids for the first time. They always seem so excited, and you don't see any hint of shock or discomfort. Frankly, that was not my experience for either pair of hearing aids. Sure, I was excited, but everything was SO loud. Ambient noise sounded like a train running through my head because I didn't remember what it sounded like. And be prepared for the fact that your voice might sound weird to yourself. When I got my first pair of hearing aids, I hated my voice because I sounded like a robot. All the little sounds I'd never heard before drove me insane. This is completely normal and starts to go away anywhere from a few days to a few weeks after your fitting.

3.) Wear them for a few hours a day and work up to full days as quickly as you can. Wearing hearing aids is not like wearing glasses. Your brain needs to adjust to how you hear through your hearing aids. The more you can wear your hearing aids, the quicker your brain will adjust, and eventually you'll get to the point where you forget you're even wearing them. If you're worried about the cost of batteries, I'm with you on that one. Nowadays there are several models that use rechargeable batteries, which will save money and batteries in the long run. (These models can still use regular batteries if something were to happen to your rechargeables.)

4.) Always, always, ALWAYS carry extra batteries and a case. I can't emphasize this enough. You don't want to be in a situation where your batteries run out of juice and you don't have other ones. Even with rechargeables, I have the occasional night where I forget to put them in the charger before I go to bed. And if, heaven forbid, your hearing aids come into contact with water, the battery will be a goner so you will need a new one to use after your hearing aid is revived. Assuming it still works, that is.

5.) Get a hearing aid dehumidifier. Nothing can wear out hearing aids and molds faster than moisture. If you use rechargeable batteries with an electric charger, the charger sort of acts as a dehumidifier so you won't need to use it as often. But even if you have a charger, you still need a dehumidifier. On super humid days, you'll need to throw your hearing aids in there whenever there's significant moisture buildup, and they can be very helpful for reviving a hearing aid that has gotten wet.

(Reviving a wet hearing aid is a topic that deserves its own post. I'll work on that and get it posted as soon as possible.)

6.) Keep them out of reach of pets and small children. I don't know what it is about pets, but they love hearing aids. My previous cat would take them out of the dehumidifier while I was in the shower if I didn't shut the darn thing all the way. She would play with them, and throw them around, and hide them places. If your dehumidifier has a screw-top lid, make sure it's screwed all the way tight. If it's only screwed on part way and a dog or cat knocks it over, it will break open.

7.) NEVER take your hearing aids off and put them in your pocket. If you need to take them off, put them in a case or dehumidifier. This is asking for trouble. You could forget they're in there and run them through the washing machine. You could drop them in a puddle trying to get them out of your pocket. I've done both of those, I'm sorry to say. The possibilities of what could happen are endless. Just don't even mess with this.

8.) Be patient with yourself while learning how to use the phone with your hearing aid. I'll be writing another post about hearing aids and phone usage at some point, but know that it takes some getting used to. Don't be afraid to use other communication modes if it's easier.

Things That Weird Me Out

1. Bow-tie pasta. Why would pasta need to don formal wear before it gets digested?

2. Pregnancy websites and books that compare the baby to fruits at various stages of development. I get that you have to compare it to something because you want a mental picture of the bundle of joy that is borrowing your body for 9 months. I get that the image of different kinds of fruit is pretty vivid right off the bat. But for some reason, I don’t understand this whole idea of comparing the baby to fruit. Maybe it’s one of those things you have to be pregnant to understand. But right now, I’m not pregnant and I think it’s weird. So it’s on the list.

3. When I see the following warning on a jar of peanut butter: “Allergy warning: contains nuts.” I don’t even know how to respond to this one.

4. Jellyfish. They don’t look like fish. They don’t even really look like jelly. I don’t think they are even scientifically in the fish category.

To Everything, There Is A Season...

A time to sing along to the Veggie Tales rendition of “Footloose” while cruising down the freeway.

A time to say up until midnight watching “Downton Abbey” because you are hooked, and every episode ends with a cliffhanger, and it's driving you insane.

A time to talk baby talk to your cat.

A time to drop everything and bake a cake.

A time to drop everything and eat chocolate.

And no, these have all most certainly NOT happened to me in the last week or so!

Why would you think that? :p

Christians and Movie Choices: My Two Cents

Christians tend to lump movies, books, and music into the category of “media choices” and use the same barometer for all of them: If it's produced by a Christian company, it's okay. If it's produced by a secular company, it's not. This is absolute bunk, to put it mildly. It's not that simple, as much as we might want it to be.

With movies, I am more interested in WHY a particular movie contains violence, profanity, etc, than whether or not it contains those things. In general, I am not opposed to movies that dipict violence in order to make a point, such as “Hotel Rwanda,” “Mississippi Burning,” or “The Devil's Arithmatic.” I firmly believe that older children and teenagers should watch such movies when their parents decide they're old enough. In showing them these movies, we are not glorifying violence. We are showing them what can happen when humans inflict it on each other.

I do have a problem with violence just for the sake of violence. I got to a point where I felt like CSI falls too close to this end of the spectrum to continue watching it. With a lot of the action/adventure movies out there, it's kind of a tossup where they fall on the spectrum. I take it on a case-by-case basis.

Other than the examples I just gave, I don't feel the need to get into more specific details about what movies and shows I've chosen to watch or not watch, because that's exactly my point. I'm not you. I don't know for sure what's okay for you and what you need to avoid. We need to own our own choices, and that may mean that two sincere Christians come to two different conclusions in a given situation.

CC, OC, SDH, and Subtitles: What's the Difference?

For the longest time, I would admittedly get frustrated with hearing people if they didn't understand why I needed captions, or how to tell if a DVD is captioned or subtitled. But then I saw the light and realized I spent more time talking about my frustration than I did educating people on the issue. (This actually pertains to a LOT of aspects of being HOH in the hearing world, not just captions!) So I decided I'm going to start blogging about these subjects as they come up. I guess you could call this the unofficial, blogging version of “Hearing Loss For Dummies.”

Closed Captioning and Open Captioning are both coded through the television monitor as opposed to the DVD player. Closed Captioning is white text enclosed in a black box. Open Captioning is white text that is not enclosed. The DVD program on my computer uses OC, whereas my television set uses CC. The one disadvantage of OC is it can be hard to see if the background is lighter. CC is much more common, probably for that reason.

You turn on the captions through your TV's menu. Since everyone's TV is different, a tutorial on how to turn on the captions would be pretty pointless. If you're starting to develop hearing loss and want to start using captions, take a look at the instruction manual for your TV. If you didn't keep it, you can probably find instructions online. Once you turn the captions on, they will stay turned on unless you manually turn them back off. When your TV is in CC mode, captions will go on automatically for DVDs, shows, and commercials that are captioned.

SDH (Subtitles for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing): SDH is coded through the DVD player instead of the TV. It looks a lot like Open Captions. The text is usually white, but sometimes it's yellow. DVD's that don't have CC usually have SDH. Some have both. If I have a choice, I choose CC because, again, it gives you more contrast against lighter backgrounds.

Subtitles: The huge difference between subtitles and captions or SDH is what's in the text. The intention of subtitles is to make a movie accessible to a hearing person who speaks a different language. Often, they are not word-for-word, and they don't have sound effects that a person with hearing loss might miss, such as a knock at the door, a scream off-stage, etc. I'll use subtitles in a pinch when there are no other options, but they are not the same thing as captions or SDH.

How to tell if a DVD has captions or SDH: The CC or SDH icon will be on the back or spine of the DVD case. The “CC” is usually encased in a little TV symbol or a thick square. The “SDH” letters are sometimes in a box, but usually they're just by themselves. They often have an asterisk with the explanation of “subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing” at the bottom of the case.

If you've ever watched a movie with me, you've seen me check the DVD case to make sure it's captioned. This is what I'm looking for.

The legislation regarding what has to be captioned is a bit complicated. I'll have to do more research and go into more details in another post. But here's the short version: In the US, movies produced for entertainment purposes need to have CC or SDH by law. Special features do not. Documentaries also are not required to have captions. PBS puts captions on all their stuff, thankfully. Needless to say, the lack of captions on non-PBS documentaries made college a living nightmare!

If you have any other questions, please feel free to leave a comment! :)

Things Jesus Did NOT Say In Telling Us To Love Our Neighbors

For awhile now, I’ve noticed a really disturbing trend, both in myself and in the church at large.  We are adding to Jesus’ commandment to love our neighbors.  Here are some of the most common “additions” I’ve seen so far:

-“Love your neighbor only if they’re straight and are vehemently opposed to gay marriage.”

-“Love your neighbor only if they vote the way you do.”

-“Love your neighbor only if they interpret every last ounce of Scripture EXACTLY the way you do.”

We are called to love whoever G-d puts in front of us.  Loving them means acknowledging that G-d created them, and they are precious to Him.

Loving them means taking the log out of our own eyes, separating people from their issues, and admitting that we can’t possibly know everything about what causes same-sex attraction.  Loving our neighbors means embracing them as the individuals that they are.  Loving our neighbors means letting go of expectations and meeting them where they're at.

If Jesus wanted to create exceptions to the “love your neighbor” commandment, He would have.

But He didn’t.

Which means we don’t get to.

The Comparison Addiction

The idea of comparing ourselves to others is not new.  Heck, “thou shall not covet” made it into the 10 Commandments, for crying out loud.  Isn’t coveting really just code for comparing ourselves to others?  Maybe we don’t always get jealous of physical possessions or apperance.  Maybe we’re jealous of more abstract things, like strengths and character traits.  I’m having one of those moods where my personality feels like a cosmic joke, and I wish I could be anyone else.  Thanks to Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram, comparison just got a lot easier, and a lot more addicting.

Yes, addicting.  Comparison is, essentially a spiritual drug addiction.  It impairs our judgment and our ability to make sound choices.  We lose our true selves to who we think we “should” be.  We know it’s bad for us, but we keep wanting more. 

If the church looked at comparison as a drug addiction, how would that change the way we see ourselves and everyone else?  Gotta wonder…

The Bullying Epidemic

Bullying is a subject that I hadn’t thought much about until recently, when I saw a discussion about it on a friend’s Facebook wall.  Ever since I read all those posts, I’ve been thinking more about my experiences with being bullied in late elementary and early junior high. 

As for finding a solution to this epidemic, I’ve come to a conclusion that will probably ruffle a lot of feathers: 

Bullying is a complex, societal problem that does not have a “quick fix.”  Most of the ideas I’ve heard from well-intentioned parents and teachers are great in theory, but they don’t always work in practice.  The two most common “solutions” to bullying these days are putting your child in private school and trying to create a school environment where students take a stand against bullying and peer violence.  I can’t say that these solutions never work, because for all I know someone else might have had better luck with them than I did.  But they don’t solve the bigger societal issues that contribute to bullying.

Here are the major problems in a nutshell:

1.)  We don’t practice what we preach.  Parents and teachers tell children that they need to treat each other with respect.  Unfortunately, we live in a world where most adults don’t do that.  If we respected each other, it would come more naturally for our kids, and bullying wouldn’t be anywhere near as common. 

2.)  Most children who turn into bullies have a rough time of it outside the classroom.  I knew enough about my bullies to know that every single one of them was dealing with something major.  Several of them had parents who were going through horrible divorces.  I remember in 5^th grade, one classmate in particular was having awful side effects from an ADHD medication, and he bullied everyone.  With so many students dealing with those kinds of situations, the odds of finding enough students to put together some kind of coalition is slim.

3.)  Even if there was enough interest in such a coalition, there is very little support and protection for students who actually want to take a stand against bullying and peer violence.  I’ve heard countless stories of high school students who were either suspended or threatened with suspension for breaking up fights, or standing up for a friend who was being harassed.  The “zero tolerance” policy isn’t going to work as long as there is also “zero tolerance” for students who actually want to do the right thing. 

I really wish I had an easy answer to the question of how do we stop bullying.  But the truth is, there is no such thing as an easy answer as long as we’ve got these bigger societal issues to contend with. 

Why I Blog

Every so often I try to work on one of the two books that are currently rolling around in my head, and I’m starting to come to the conclusion that writing a book is not for me, at least at this point in my life.

My reasoning for not wanting to publish a book right now is two-fold.  First of all, in order to get a book published, it has to be VERY good.  The competition is fierce.  Frankly, I don’t care whether or not my writing is good or bad.  I don’t do a blog because I want to be a good writer.  I do a blog because I want to be an honest writer.  I write what needs to be said.  Whether it’s good or bad is completely irrelevant.

Second of all, I hate the idea of someone not being able to read what I write because they can’t afford to buy my book.  Sure, I could write a book and it could end up in some library somewhere, but libraries don’t have every book.  Not being able to afford books is a bigger setback than most people realize.  I’ve gotten several messages from people telling me how much they appreciate what I write.  It’s such a joy to be able to share this gift with others.  I don’t want anyone to be deprived of that because they can’t afford to buy a book.  I’m playing around with the idea of putting a PayPal button on my blog, since I do put a considerable amount of work into it, and it would be nice to have a little more money to work with.  But the difference between that and selling a book is I wouldn’t be making people pay for it.  I would be asking them.  

20/20 Hearing? Not So Much

Recently I wrote up a list of common misconceptions about hearing loss.  I forgot about another big one, which I’m going to address right now: “Wearing hearing aids will give you ‘20/20 hearing.’ “

For awhile it really irritated me that people believed this, but now I can understand why some people think that’s how it works.  After all, eyeglasses and contacts correct most people’s vision to 20/20, or at least close enough to 20/20 that they don’t feel visually impaired when wearing their glasses or contacts.  If glasses can help people see “normally”, then it should stand to reason that hearing aids can help people hear “normally.”

How well a person hears with hearing aids or a cochlear implant (or two) really varies.  Some people do hear quite well with their aids or cochlear, and therefore don’t feel all that “impaired.”  But some people, while receiving some benefit from their aids or CI, still don’t hear very well, and might still struggle with background noise and talking on the phone and whatnot.  So if you see a person with hearing aids or a cochlear implant, don’t assume that they can hear and understand everything, because they might not be able to.

It's official! I'm on Facebook!

After some work and a LOT of technological temper tantrums (I dare you to say that 3 times out loud), My Sacred Pathway finally has a Facebook page!  

I'll be back with more posts soon, but in the meantime, click here to check out the Facebook page! :)

Religion and Spirituality: Two Sides of the Same Coin

 Just about everyone, at one time or another, has been asked the question “Are you religious?” Christians have been conditioned to balk at this question and retaliate with the classic “Christianity is a relationship, not a religion” without really trying to meet the other person where they are.  I used to be a proud member of the relationship brigade, but I’ve officially turned in my badge.

People who do not identify as religiously affiliated don’t have the same association with the word “religious” that some Christians have.  We take offense at the word “religion” because of all the ways Christian rituals have been distorted and misused.  We’re ready to jump all over this person before they can accuse us of being a hypocrite.  But I’ve learned from experience that people who ask that question out of curiosity seldom look at organized religion through that lens.

 Therefore, giving the knee-jerk response of “Christianity is a relationship, not a religion” is likely to confuse people more than explain where we’re actually coming from.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, all Christians are religious to some extent, whether we think of ourselves that way.  Yes, Christianity stems from having a living, breathing relationship with G-d, but we are physical beings.  So we manifest our non-physical spirituality through physical means.  Going to church, celebrating Communion, and bowing your head when you pray are all religious expressions, because they are outward actions that stem from inward beliefs.

Love/Hate Update for 8/27/13

Love:
 

-Making sun tea.  So far I’ve done green tea infused with spearmint.  Right now I’m working on a jar that’s infused with a cinnamon stick. 

-the new dustbuster.  Not to sound like a Stepford wife or something, but it really does help keep the apartment cleaner!

-my upcoming Hebrew Heritage class through Light of Menorah Ministries

Hate:

-the heat

-sharing my home with a warm, cuddly furball who does not understand the concept of limiting all physical contact to air hugs when it’s this hot

-the fact that most Christians don’t have the faintest idea that Jesus was an orthodox Jew, and that “Jesus” is not a Hebrew name  Running out of things to say to these people.  Or, more accurately, I’m running out of NICE things to say to these people.  (For the record, Jesus’ Hebrew name was Yeshua.  The English equivalent is Joshua.)

-feeling spiritually constipated.  Feeling like no matter what I do, someone out there will think it’s not enough, that I’m a horrible Christian for any number of reasons, blah blah blah

Introducing my new Joy V-Slim BTE Hearing Aids!

If you don't wear hearing aids, this entry will probably be of no interest to you.  But I've been getting enough questions about my new hearing aids that I wanted to do an entry for anyone who's interested.  

By now I’ve been using my new hearing aids for a few weeks.  They are the Joy V-Slim BTE model by Rexton, from Lloyd Hearing Aid.  BTE stands for “behind the ear.” My favorite thing about these hearing aids is they can take rechargeable batteries.  Anyone who’s ever worn hearing aids or cochlear implants knows that the batteries cost an arm and a leg.  And for anyone who’s never worn them, I’ll tell you, the batteries cost an arm and a leg.  So rechargeable batteries that can last 8-12 months are pretty sweet.  I’ll still keep some non-rechargeables on hand “just in case,” but it’s great to have the option of saving money and the environment at the same time.

The Joy V-Slim model has 4 channels, whereas my previous hearing aids only have 3.  I have the normal acoustic, background noise filter, and telecoil, and now I have a TV/music channel.  Honestly, I’m not sure what I think of the music channel.  I don’t really use it for music.  I either just keep my hearing aids on the acoustic channel or plug in my neck loop and put on the telecoil.  For me, that channel makes music louder than my baseline decibel level without really making it clearer.  And as for using it for TV, if there’s any kind of background noise at all, everything just sounds way too loud.  Because of the negative experiences I’ve had using that channel with background noise, my desire to use it has gone down.  But maybe I just need to give it another shot sometime if I’m watching TV and there’s no background noise. 

I happened to be due for new molds around the time I got these hearing aids, so I got those from Lloyd Hearing Aid as well.  I’ll have to do an entry on making your own mold impressions, since I’m sure people will have lots of questions about that.  And in a year or two, when I’m due for molds again, I’m going to have the hubby make a video of me taking my own impressions so you can see how quick, safe, and easy it really is. 

The one thing that’s still taking some getting used to is having a volume control on one aid and the channel changer on the other.  This means adjusting volume for both hearing aids with one volume control.  I wouldn’t say I hate this arrangement, but it’s definitely taking some getting used to.  With my old aids, if I needed to make a phone call I would take out the aid for my bad ear and use the phone with the hearing aid on my good ear.  Because I use my left ear for phone calls and the volume control is on the right aid, I have to leave them both in when I use the phone.  Since I now have to have both aids on t-coil to use the phone, this means I can’t hear ANY environmental sounds outside of the phone (except for maybe a smoke alarm!)  I guess this isn’t really good or bad, it just is what it is.  I’ll get used to it eventually.  

If anyone has any questions about these particular hearing aids or about earmolds or ordering online, please feel free to leave your questions in the comment section!  You can read my blog entry on purchasing online here.

 

This Article Made Me Hit The Roof

A friend of mine recently posted an article about actress Julie Harris’ death.  Read it here.  I got REALLY angry after I read this.

Most of you are probably wondering what is so offensive about this article.  What’s offensive is that Ms. Harris did a phenomenal job as Betsie Ten Boom in “The Hiding Place”, and People magazine made no mention of it because it was about Christians and produced by a Christian film company.  What’s offensive is that they would have mentioned it if it had been produced by a secular film company.  “The Hiding Place” is, hands down, one of the best films I’ve ever seen, Christian or secular.  It’s an extremely positive depiction of Christian faith in action.  I find it extremely offensive that a journalist would avoid giving Ms. Harris due credit for this role for fear of offending any non-Christians who might read it.