Thursday, August 29, 2013

Religion and Spirituality: Two Sides of the Same Coin


 Just about everyone, at one time or another, has been asked the question “Are you religious?” Christians have been conditioned to balk at this question and retaliate with the classic “Christianity is a relationship, not a religion” without really trying to meet the other person where they are.  I used to be a proud member of the relationship brigade, but I’ve officially turned in my badge.

People who do not identify as religiously affiliated don’t have the same association with the word “religious” that some Christians have.  We take offense at the word “religion” because of all the ways Christian rituals have been distorted and misused.  We’re ready to jump all over this person before they can accuse us of being a hypocrite.  But I’ve learned from experience that people who ask that question out of curiosity seldom look at organized religion through that lens.
 Therefore, giving the knee-jerk response of “Christianity is a relationship, not a religion” is likely to confuse people more than explain where we’re actually coming from.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, all Christians are religious to some extent, whether we think of ourselves that way.  Yes, Christianity stems from having a living, breathing relationship with G-d, but we are physical beings.  So we manifest our non-physical spirituality through physical means.  Going to church, celebrating Communion, and bowing your head when you pray are all religious expressions, because they are outward actions that stem from inward beliefs.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Love/Hate Update for 8/27/13

Love:
 
-Making sun tea.  So far I’ve done green tea infused with spearmint.  Right now I’m working on a jar that’s infused with a cinnamon stick. 

-the new dustbuster.  Not to sound like a Stepford wife or something, but it really does help keep the apartment cleaner!

-my upcoming Hebrew Heritage class through Light of Menorah Ministries

Hate:

-the heat

-sharing my home with a warm, cuddly furball who does not understand the concept of limiting all physical contact to air hugs when it’s this hot

-the fact that most Christians don’t have the faintest idea that Jesus was an orthodox Jew, and that “Jesus” is not a Hebrew name  Running out of things to say to these people.  Or, more accurately, I’m running out of NICE things to say to these people.  (For the record, Jesus’ Hebrew name was Yeshua.  The English equivalent is Joshua.)

-feeling spiritually constipated.  Feeling like no matter what I do, someone out there will think it’s not enough, that I’m a horrible Christian for any number of reasons, blah blah blah

Monday, August 26, 2013

Introducing my new Joy V-Slim BTE Hearing Aids!

If you don't wear hearing aids, this entry will probably be of no interest to you.  But I've been getting enough questions about my new hearing aids that I wanted to do an entry for anyone who's interested.  

By now I’ve been using my new hearing aids for a few weeks.  They are the Joy V-Slim BTE model by Rexton, from Lloyd Hearing Aid.  BTE stands for “behind the ear.” My favorite thing about these hearing aids is they can take rechargeable batteries.  Anyone who’s ever worn hearing aids or cochlear implants knows that the batteries cost an arm and a leg.  And for anyone who’s never worn them, I’ll tell you, the batteries cost an arm and a leg.  So rechargeable batteries that can last 8-12 months are pretty sweet.  I’ll still keep some non-rechargeables on hand “just in case,” but it’s great to have the option of saving money and the environment at the same time.

The Joy V-Slim model has 4 channels, whereas my previous hearing aids only have 3.  I have the normal acoustic, background noise filter, and telecoil, and now I have a TV/music channel.  Honestly, I’m not sure what I think of the music channel.  I don’t really use it for music.  I either just keep my hearing aids on the acoustic channel or plug in my neck loop and put on the telecoil.  For me, that channel makes music louder than my baseline decibel level without really making it clearer.  And as for using it for TV, if there’s any kind of background noise at all, everything just sounds way too loud.  Because of the negative experiences I’ve had using that channel with background noise, my desire to use it has gone down.  But maybe I just need to give it another shot sometime if I’m watching TV and there’s no background noise. 

I happened to be due for new molds around the time I got these hearing aids, so I got those from Lloyd Hearing Aid as well.  I’ll have to do an entry on making your own mold impressions, since I’m sure people will have lots of questions about that.  And in a year or two, when I’m due for molds again, I’m going to have the hubby make a video of me taking my own impressions so you can see how quick, safe, and easy it really is. 

The one thing that’s still taking some getting used to is having a volume control on one aid and the channel changer on the other.  This means adjusting volume for both hearing aids with one volume control.  I wouldn’t say I hate this arrangement, but it’s definitely taking some getting used to.  With my old aids, if I needed to make a phone call I would take out the aid for my bad ear and use the phone with the hearing aid on my good ear.  Because I use my left ear for phone calls and the volume control is on the right aid, I have to leave them both in when I use the phone.  Since I now have to have both aids on t-coil to use the phone, this means I can’t hear ANY environmental sounds outside of the phone (except for maybe a smoke alarm!)  I guess this isn’t really good or bad, it just is what it is.  I’ll get used to it eventually.  

If anyone has any questions about these particular hearing aids or about earmolds or ordering online, please feel free to leave your questions in the comment section!  You can read my blog entry on purchasing online here.
 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

This Article Made Me Hit The Roof

A friend of mine recently posted an article about actress Julie Harris’ death.  Read it here.  I got REALLY angry after I read this.

Most of you are probably wondering what is so offensive about this article.  What’s offensive is that Ms. Harris did a phenomenal job as Betsie Ten Boom in “The Hiding Place”, and People magazine made no mention of it because it was about Christians and produced by a Christian film company.  What’s offensive is that they would have mentioned it if it had been produced by a secular film company.  “The Hiding Place” is, hands down, one of the best films I’ve ever seen, Christian or secular.  It’s an extremely positive depiction of Christian faith in action.  I find it extremely offensive that a journalist would avoid giving Ms. Harris due credit for this role for fear of offending any non-Christians who might read it.


What's in a Name?


 As is the case with most teenagers, I had a lot of issues with organized religion before I became a Christian.  The main issue I had was this idea of naming G-d.  Regardless of people’s belief systems, I didn’t understand how anyone could think that there’s any name that could fully scratch the surface of this infinite life source. 

After going to church for 9 years, I realized I STILL have issue with some aspects of organized religion, and especially with this idea of naming G-d.  It’s not so much that I think people SHOULDN’T try to name G-d or meditate on the various names found in Scripture.  I just really hate the idea of settling for that, as if that’s all there is. 

And that is why I am going back to writing G-d instead of spelling out the word.  I’m not going to write out the whole word because there is no way we can get the whole picture of who He is on this side of eternity.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Are Two Aids Better Than One?

Hearing people and those who are newly diagnosed with hearing loss often wonder if they really need two hearing aids.  I’ve had so many people say to me, “hearing aids are so expensive!  I just want to buy one!”

I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but the truth is, if you have bilateral hearing loss, wearing one hearing aid is going to be about as effective as wearing one contact lens.  Anyone who wears contacts knows you need to wear two lenses or your vision doesn’t appear corrected.  Just like eyes, the ears are designed to work as a team.  You can buy just one hearing aid, but you won’t feel like you’re getting your money’s worth if you have hearing loss in your other ear.  I’ve had a few unfortunate hearing aid casualties that have resulted in having to wear one aid until I could get the other replaced, and let me tell you, that was a beast.  I actually got a lot of headaches because everything sounded so “unbalanced.”

So if you have bilateral hearing loss, save yourself the frustration and just get two right off the bat. 

Friday, August 23, 2013

Christians and Music Choices


 Within the church, there seem to be two polarized viewpoints on Christian music.  On one end of the spectrum, you have this idea that Christians should only listen to Christian stuff.  On the other end is the idea that that stuff is outdated and no one in their right mind should listen to any of it.

When I first became a Christian, I subscribed to the former viewpoint.  When Christian friends began to make fun of me for listening to only Christian music, I followed their lead and didn’t listen to any Christian music, even though I truly liked a lot of it.

After spending a few years in each camp, I’ve decided that both sides are right.  And both sides are wrong.

There is certainly nothing inherently harmful about listening to Christian music.  I’ll readily admit that there’s a lot of junk out there, and Christian music can be a viable alternative.  But I have issue with the idea of presenting Christian music as the only alternative.  I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s bad theology.  Philippians 4:8 reads as follows:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (NIV)

Both of these extreme viewpoints are in violation of this verse.  If everything on your Ipod is laden with colorful metaphors, you are not dwelling on things that are right or pure.  At the same time, to say that Christian music is the only music that fits this description is to miss out.  

My stance on movies is similar in some ways but there are some exceptions, so I'll have to do another post on that at some point.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

"What do you do all day?"

When you make the decision to leave the workforce when you are childless and clearly not old enough to retire, the question of "what do you do all day?"  Is inevitable.  I think people want the assurance that I don't just sit around doing nothing.  If you think that's what I do,
you’ve got another think coming!  The days activities depend heavily on the season.  Summer and winter are more laid-back right now.  Lots of reading and craft projects.  Late summer and early fall are pretty busy with all the canning and dehydrating.  Once we have a hobby farm, spring will probably be quite busy because that's when all the planting will take place.


Here is a list of things I might do on a given day, depending on the season:

-laundry
-making my own cleaning products
-cleaning
-gardening
-knitting
-crocheting
-sewing
-spinning
-various craft projects
-volunteering
-going to the library
-grooming the cat, cleaning her litterbox, taking her to the vet (there will be lots more animal-related responsibilities once we have a hobby farm)
-baking
-cooking
-canning
-dehydrating
-doing all the dishes that result from cooking and canning (trust me, there are plenty of dishes!)
-biking
-going for walks
-writing and blogging
-reading
-babysitting on occasion

After seeing all this written down, I think I'm busier and more productive than I was when i was working, haha!
 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Why I Kissed The Workforce Goodbye


 Some of you already know that I made the decision to be done working in early childhood education earlier this summer.  A lot of prayer, tears, and late-night discussions with my husband went into that decision. I’d been doing childcare in one capacity or another for the past 9 years.  I briefly toyed around with the idea of going back to school, and quickly realized that wasn’t for me.  I had absolutely no peace about the idea of changing careers.  But the thought of leaving my career gave me more peace than I’ve had in a long time.

Naturally, a decision like this doesn’t come without a lot of questions from curious and well-intentioned loved ones: Why would you choose not to look for another job given the shape the economy is in?  Why would you stay home if I don’t have any children?  How can you call yourself a feminist if you’re going to make such a decision?  And the most commonly asked question:  What do you do all day?

The last question needs its own post, because I do a lot more than you might think.  I don’t think I’ll fully realize exactly how much I do until I see it all written down, haha!

There are a LOT of reasons I made this decision.  I’ll be writing more posts about this in the future, but here are the main reasons:

1.)  Economy.  I can’t work full-time, and with my level of education I can’t make very much. A typical part-time job in early childhood would essentially pay for the business clothes, the car insurance, and the gas to get there, and that would pretty much be it.  If I had a good reason to keep doing it, that would be fine, but since I don’t want to keep doing it, it’s not worth it.  And since I am not driving my car for work, my husband and I get to put my car down as a leisure car on our insurance policy.  The savings are decent. 

2.)  Stress level and emotional health.  The last couple years have been rough, to put it mildly.  It wasn’t too much in the moment, but it adds up.  When I got to the point where I couldn’t even care about myself anymore, I knew it was time to be done.  I need to have time for the things I enjoy doing or I wilt.  Having time to take care of myself and knit for my Etsy shop on my own schedule has done a world of good.

3.)  More time for volunteering and ministry.  When I was working 20-25+ childcare hours a week, I didn’t have any time or energy left over for other people.  Now that I’m working for myself, I can make my own schedule and help out with various service projects through church and whatnot.  I have to be careful not to overdo it, but it’s really nice to have the option.

4.)  Avoiding the “two-income” trap.  If I got a bachelor’s degree and continued on with my career, we’d fall into the two-income trap when it comes time for me to stay home with the kids, which I absolutely want to do.  In the two-income trap, a couple gets used to having a certain amount of money and a certain lifestyle that can only be sustained if both people are working.  In most cases, they either feel like they don’t have the option of going back to only one income, or one of them leaves the workforce but they take a serious financial hit. 

5.)  The field of early childhood ed is evolving, and not in a good way.  In the past, if you didn’t want to take all the courses necessary for getting a teaching license, you still had options.  You could teach kindergarten, teach in a parochial school, or do early childhood.  But that’s not the case anymore.  You need a license to teach kindergarten now.  More and more private and parochial schools require teaching licenses.  Again, if this was what I really wanted to do, it’d be no problem.  But early childhood classrooms are not what they used to be.  The stakes are getting higher.  These classrooms are becoming more academic and less about learning through play, which I am all for, and which I wouldn’t get to implement if I kept working in early childhood. 

6.)  I have time for homesteading and cooking healthy food.  When I was working, I didn’t have time to eat healthy.  My body paid dearly.  I’m cooking a lot more of my own food now.  I have time to seek out ethical and sustainable food sources. 

I got all these ideas from Shannon Hayes’ book “Radical Homemakers.”  Her book discusses the idea of one partner staying home for practical and economical reasons.  It’s really interesting.  I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to know why people would choose this, or for people who want to be radical homemakers themselves.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Nonfiction Book List, Summer 2013

Here’s a list of the best non-fiction books I’ve read in the past several months.

1.)  Escape by Carolyn Jessop
This is the true story of a woman who was born into a Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints community and escaped with her eight children in 2003.

2.)  Triumph by Carolyn Jessop
The sequel to Escape.  Ms. Jessop gives her account of life after the escape, her experiences with the social welfare system, and her oldest daughter’s decision to return to the FLDS.  These books were amazingly well-written, to say the least.

3.)  Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi
A graphic novel about growing up in Iran during the Islamic revolution in the 70’s.  I’d never read any graphic novels, so this was an interesting experience.  (Some parts are a bit on the R-rated side, so I don’t recommend this book for kids or teenagers.)  It was made into an animated French film, which was also really good. 

4.)  Quiet by Susan Cain
Susan Cain delves into the power of introverts in life and in the workplace.  Everyone should read this book, but if you are an innie or married to an innie, you especially need to read it.

5.)  Between Two Worlds:  The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt
This book really spoke to my experience as a divorce kid.  I highly recommend it for DK’s, divorced parents, and anyone who works with DK’s and/or divorced parents.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Bird Conspiracy Complex

A few weeks ago, my husband and I got a new car.  It was time to say goodbye to his '94 Saturn, and with his current work schedule we can't be a one-car couple right now without some serious headaches.  We really wanted an SUV, and we found the model we wanted at the price we wanted, thanks to my church networking group.  

Now, I am not a car person, or a driving person.  I never really enjoyed driving to begin with, and having a serious accident made me like it even less.  But I fell head over heels in love with our new car.  I feel so much more comfortable when I drive now.  When we got this car, a teeny part of me understood (sort of) why some people get so into cars.  Seriously, I was having a love affair with this car.

Which was why I was less than thrilled to find that some bird had left a gift right in the middle of my windshield earlier this week.  

If the bird crap had been anywhere else on my windshield, it wouldn't have fazed me.  I would've thought, "Meh, everybody poops" and leave it at that.  But there is no such thing as accidentally pooping right in the middle of a windshield.  I mean, really.  Think about all the things you can do by accident.  You can accidentally miss your exit.  You can accidentally forget to clean the litterbox.    You can accidentally slip on a banana peel.  But you can't accidentally poop right in the middle of someone's windshield.  

So to quote Taylor on Gilmore Girls, "I dare say these birds seem to be doing it on purpose."  

Yeah, I'm mature :P. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Why Having Cats is Like Raising Toddlers


I came up with a list of reasons why having cats is like raising toddlers.  Here it is:



1.)  They hate being bathed and groomed.

2.)  They want whatever it is they want RIGHT NOW.

3.)  If there’s more than one, sharing is often a struggle.

4.)  Every now and then, you have to drop everything and clean up whatever they’ve gotten into this time.

5.)  They’re more interested in stuff that’s best left alone than in their own toys.

6.)  They can play the same game 50 times in a row and not get tired of it.

 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Message for Other Divorce Kids


 As you can see by some of my previous posts, I’ve been coming out of the divorce kid closet.  Out of respect for my family, I’m not going to go into too much detail about my particular situation on here.  If you’re a DK and would like to connect with me elsewhere online, I’d be more than happy to do so :).  I’m hoping that this post will provide some encouragement for my fellow Christian DKs, as well as provide an opportunity for DKs to connect with each other online.

In a nutshell, here is what I would love to say to all of you:

1.)  God loves you!  I can’t emphasize this enough.  No matter what your family situation is like, whether you are a Christian or not, no matter how many “Christians” have given you flak for your parents’ divorce, God loves you.  God is not the people who have hurt you.  God loves you unconditionally. 

2.)  Take care of yourself.  Whether your parents have gotten divorced recently or they’ve been divorced for years, it’s going to affect you.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.  You are going to deal with things that people without divorced parents don’t have to deal with.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s true, and I’d be doing you all a huge disservice if I wasn’t honest about this.  Do what you need to do to maintain your emotional well-being. If you need to see a therapist, receive prayer, keep a journal, take a job with fewer hours, whatever you need, please don’t be afraid to go for it.  You will be so much happier and healthier in the long run.

3.)  Build a support network.  I know this is easier said than done, because we live our lives surrounded by people who don’t “get” what it’s like to be a DK.  But we need people in our lives who will listen to us without passing judgment.  My support network still isn’t as big as I would like, but it’s a work in progress, and it’s a huge help. 

4.)  Work toward forgiveness.  Forgiveness is absolutely crucial.  If you want to experience true freedom and joy in this life, you need to forgive.  You need to forgive your parents and anyone who has mistreated you for being a DK.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting the other person off the hook.  It means letting go of their throat and believing God when He says He will take care of it.  It also doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries if a situation warrants it.  If someone is constantly saying or doing hurtful things and they won’t repent, you have every right to put some parameters in place to keep them from hurting you and protect the freedom you are working to achieve.

5.)  Seek out other divorce kids.  Like I said, we experience life differently from other believers and from people who do not have divorced parents.  We need each other.  For your own sake and for the sake of your fellow DK’s, please come out of the divorce kid closet.  Being a Christian is tough. So is being a divorce kid.  Put them both together and it’s a very narrow path to walk.  Let’s walk together. 

DK’s of any religious affiliation/belief system are welcome to join the discussion!  I just ask that everyone be considerate and respectful with your comments.

I really hope this post will come to serve as a springboard for more discussion and connection amongst DK’s.  Again, if you would rather swap war stories in private, that can be arranged.  Just leave a comment letting me know that’s what you’d like to do, and we’ll go from there :).

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

What I Want Pastors and Church Leaders to Know about Divorce Kids

This is the next installment in what I hope will become a series of posts on divorce and divorce kids.  Personally, I think all of this information is good for everyone, regardless of their role in the church.  But this post contains the bullet points that are especially important for pastors and church leaders.


1.)  We exist.  There is no such thing as a church that doesn’t have any divorce kids.  If you think your church doesn’t have any, it’s because people are ashamed to admit it.  With divorce rates being what they are, it’s next to impossible to have a church that doesn’t have any DK’s.

2.)  We need a voice, and a safe place to use it.  The church was not designed to be a fortress designed to keep sin out.  It was designed to function as a spiritual hospital for sinners.  The church has, thankfully, become a place where more and more people are able to safely open up about addictions and other issues.  For the most part, the church continues to be a dangerous place for divorcees and DK’s to share their stories and their struggles.  This needs to change.

3.)  We value Scripture and the sanctity of marriage as much as you do, even if our interpretations of Scripture aren’t identical to yours.  One of the most common misconceptions that church leaders have had about me as a DK is that I throw the Bible’s teachings on divorce out the window.  This couldn’t be any further from the truth.  When I say that my experience as a DK has changed my interpretation of Scripture, the response should not be to question my salvation, call me a heretic, or accuse me of Gnosticism.  The correct response would be to ask me for my views on this subject before jumping to such ridiculous and inappropriate conclusions. 

My next post on this subject will be for adult DK's in the church.  I will try to get that up hopefully by the end of next week, but I'm juggling a lot of other responsibilities right now.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Different, Inside and Out

If there’s one thing no one wants to be, it’s being thought of as different (in the negative sense of the word.)  Even in the church, people go to great lengths to blend in.  We sugarcoat the tough parts of our theology to avoid offending people.  We don’t want non-Christians to see us as different.

But the thing is, if you are a sincere Christian, you ARE different. You have been adopted into God’s family.  Being different is inevitable.  I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t be an authentic person and be everybody’s friend at the same time.  You just can’t.  I would know, I’ve tried.

By now, covering my head has pretty much become second nature.  I think that has a lot to do with accepting the fact that I already felt different before I started covering.  I won’t go into details here, but let’s just say I’ve faced quite a bit of opposition to the way I’m walking out my faith life, opposition from Christians and non-Christians alike.  I’ve felt different from the first day of this journey, and I’ve been realizing that this is not an accident.  On the contrary, it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Buying Hearing Aids Online


 I recently bought a new pair of hearing aids online.  As I expected, several well-intentioned people questioned the safety and the efficacy of that choice, so I decided to do a blog entry about it.

Buying my hearing aids from Lloyd Hearing Aid saved a ton of money as well as time.  You take a hearing test online with headphones or earbuds, and they can program your hearing aids according to that audiogram.

In my opinion, buying hearing aids online is a perfectly viable option for people who have had their hearing loss formally diagnosed by an audiologist, have used at least one pair of hearing aids, and know how to read an audiogram.  I felt good about the decision to purchase my new aids online because I fit this criteria.  I could have had my old hearing aids reprogrammed, but they were having some problems and I wanted a pair that could use rechargeable batteries, so I took the plunge and got new ones.  I’m so glad I did!  (I’ll be doing another post on my new hearing aids for anyone who’s interested.)

I absolutely do NOT advocate ordering hearing aids online if you have never had your hearing loss formally diagnosed.  If you already use hearing aids but are experiencing sudden severe or profound hearing loss as a result of illness or injury, I would get that checked out before ordering new hearing aids.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Love/Hate Update 8/12

Love:
-my wonderful kitty, Esther (even if we're having ongoing disputes over which one of us my pillow belongs to)
-having a stash of homemade pie crusts in the freezer
-moving at a slower pace on the weekends
-my new hearing aids

Hate:
-the church's treatment of divorcees and divorce kids
-the way the church idolizes extroverts
-sinus pressure
-the fact that fall is too close for comfort.  September is about three weeks away.  That's just wrong.
-feeling like something is fundamentally wrong with me for choosing a life and a career path that's not "normal" (more on this coming soon)

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Chutzpah

I've been writing about some heavier stuff, so I need to write a fluffy post that doesn't really have much to do with anything.  

I just wanted to inform you all that my new favorite word is "chutzpah."  Isn't that the best word EVER?!  It's Hebrew, and it means courage, strength, guts, etc.  Here, I'll use it in a sentence: Cats and toddlers usually have more chutzpah than they know what to do with.

I wish I had more chutzpah.  I am chock-full of stubbornness, but a friend wisely pointed out that that's not exactly the same thing :p.

So yeah, I just wanted to babble about my new favorite word.  Have a good weekend, everyone!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Confessions of a Divorce Kid


 It goes without saying that divorce is an iffy topic in the church today.  Christians who are not divorced are quick to past judgment on those who are divorced.  That in itself is bad enough, but what’s even more pathetic is the treatment I’ve received from some Christians because I am a divorce kid.  As someone who has been a DK for about 17 years and a Christian for 9 years, I’ve got a lot to say on this subject. I’ve boiled it down to a few bullet points.  Here goes:

1.)  Telling me that “God hates divorce” or that you “don’t believe in divorce” is a surefire way to stay off my A-list. If you are not a divorce kid, you have about as much authority on this subject as I would on being a Holocaust survivor.  And yes, God does hate divorce.  He also hates every other sin.  So put down your stones.

2.)  Blended families exist.  Deal with it.  The church has this really annoying habit of overlooking people who don’t come from “traditional” families.  Regardless of your views on gay marriage and family preservation, non-traditional families are a part of reality.  I should not have to explain to adults that I have both biological and step-parents.  Adults should also know better than to ask me if I have “real” parents, or “why don’t I have real parents.”  Sometimes I just want to say “Poke them!  They’re real!”  The fact that I have to ask adults to please use the term “biological parents” and “step-parents” is just sad.

3.)  My parents’ divorce has significantly impacted my life, but it hasn’t destroyed it.  It’s a complete myth that divorce has no impact on children.  It will affect them in ways they won’t completely understand until they hit adulthood. Kids don’t fully understand all the ramifications of divorce. If you’re reading this and you’re a divorced parent, this is especially important for you to keep in mind.  However, it’s very important that you don’t send a DK the message that their life and their future relationships are done for because of their parents’ divorce. 

4.)  The church has, for the most part, failed to be a safe place for DK’s to ask questions and receive support.  I’ve always been more comfortable talking about my parents’ divorce with people who describe themselves as non-Christians or not religiously affiliated.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case for other Christian DK’s as well.  I wish the church was more supportive, but apparently casting stones is more fun than being supportive and admitting that people are complex and imperfect.

I don’t think the church’s treatment of divorcees and DK’s is just about divorce.  This is just a symptom of the fact that we have turned into a fake church where it’s not okay to be human. I found this article on Sojourners, and I couldn’t have said it better myself!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Un-Cool and Loving It!


 I’ve pretty much had it with this idea that Christians need to be “cool” in order to make the church more “seeker-friendly.”  I don’t mean to imply that churches shouldn’t be safe, welcoming places for new people.  They absolutely should.  But when we start sacrificing sound theology and biblical principles in the name of being “seeker friendly”, we’ve gone too far.

One aspect of church ministry that I’ve grown extremely wary about is “young adult ministry.”  I was involved in one for a few years.  There were definitely a lot of positive aspects of it, and that organization was full of wonderful people.  (If you are reading this and you are/were involved in that organization, please take this the way it's intended.) However, I’ve also noticed some potential downsides of the way most young adult ministries are structured, and I would like to share said downsides in an honest, constructive way.

The lack of older adult role models is a huge concern, from where I’m standing.  Young adult ministries can sometimes be hotspots for people who don’t have decent family situations and don’t have strong role models to look up to.  The problem is that these organizations are not the best place to get those needs met.  Young adults need friends of all ages, from all walks of life.  Young adults need “older” adults in their lives.  Sadly, many young adults today don’t seek out those kinds of relationships because they don’t think they’re “cool.” 

Another issue that concerns me is a lack of maturity and responsibility in young adults. I wonder just how many mid-twentysomethings know how to create and stick to a budget, get out of debt, and be good stewards of their bodies.  Call me crazy, but I’m starting to wonder if the basic infrastructure of most young adult ministries is part of the problem instead of the solution.  A typical gathering for young adults will last well into the night, and most of the snacks that are served are unhealthy.  Back when I was involved in a young adult group, there were plenty of messages on the importance of financial responsibility, and very little information on how to actually BE financially responsible. 

Between leaving that group and wearing more modest clothing, I’m sure there are plenty of people who think I’m “uncool.”  Frankly, I don’t care anymore.  Leaving that young adult ministry and dressing the way I do have made me into a more authentic person.  I don’t care about being cool anymore.  I care about being real, mature, and responsible.  I may not be cool, but I get plenty of sleep, I eat good food, I’ve learned how to manage money, and my clothing choices give me a sense of dignity I’d never had before.  I’ll take that over being “cool” any day!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Contact Lenses: A Month(Ish) In Review


 I recently got contacts after wearing glasses full-time for 15 years.  I waited until adulthood to get contacts for a number of reasons.  I’m glad I did, even if it may not be the conventional way to go, because it forced me to actually think about WHY I wanted them and why our culture idolizes them at times. 

Here are the things I love about having contacts:

1.)  Convenience.  I need vision correction for reading as well as distance, and cannot control my eye movements enough to use bi-focals.  It’s really nice to be able to just throw on a pair of reading glasses and take them off and still see clearly, instead of switching between my distance and reading glasses all the time.

2.)  Being able to see at the pool.  My vision issues are profound, so I feel very unsafe walking without my glasses for any length of time.  Frankly, I don’t care that wearing contacts in the water is “not advisable”, according to my eye doc.  I haven’t lost a lens yet, and if her vision was as bad as mine, she’d understand my excitement at being able to see at the pool.

3.)  Being able to wear “regular” sunglasses.  Thanks to the inventions of fitover sunglasses and transition lenses, protecting your eyes with glasses has gotten a lot simpler and more convenient.  But looking at the rack of sunglasses at the dollar store and knowing I could finally wear any pair I wanted was freakishly exciting, haha!

Alright, now for the things I’m not so thrilled about:

1.)  The cost.  No matter what kind of lenses you choose, or where youyou’re your lenses, wearing contacts is always more expensive than wearing a pair of glasses.  The lenses themselves don’t come cheap, especially for specialty lenses like ones for astigmatism.  Lens solution is an ongoing expense, regardless of whether you buy your solution or make it yourself, because you still have to pay for the supplies to make it.  Part of the reason I put off getting contacts as long as I did was I couldn’t have afforded these expenses. 

2.)  The way our culture idolizes contact lenses.  I can’t tell you how much judgment I’ve received for wearing glasses.  The sad thing is, all the nasty comments I’ve gotten were not during my childhood.  No one really cared about my glasses, believe it or not.  But in my teens and during adulthood, people have let me know just what they think of an adult wearing glasses full-time.  Yes, I like my contacts, and yes, I like how I look with them.  But our obsession with looks is stupid and immoral.  There may be a perfectly good reason NOT to wear contacts, such as cost, or being too visually impaired to put them in safely.  What about in parts of the world that are less developed in the US, where glasses or corrective surgery would be better options?  I refuse to get to the point of taking my contact lenses for granted, or forgetting my true motives for wearing them.  I will “fast” from them for however long I need to if I feel like I’m getting to that point.  Feel free to call me crazy, but I actually care about WHY we do the things we do.

3.)  The challenge for people with astigmatism.  What I didn’t know until I tried to get contacts is that there are varying degrees of astigmatism.  I just thought astigmatism was astigmatism, and if someone else who had it could wear contacts, there should be no reason I couldn’t.  My eye doc explained that with “normal” astigmatism, the eyeball is curved slightly.  I do not have “normal” astigmatism.  I have it so profoundly that my eyes are shaped like footballs.  We had to try three different brands of lenses before we found one that will sit properly on my eyes.  In recent years, I’ve been having farsightedness as well as the nearsightedness I’ve had forever.  It’s so severe that if it gets any worse, I may have to give up on contacts or opt for eye surgery. 

What I wish people had told me about wearing contacts:

1.)    Rinse them THOROUGHLY when you open new ones.  They will most likely be sitting in enzyme cleaner, not saline.  That hurts like all get-out if you get it in your eyes.  I’ve learned that one the hard way, unfortunately.

2.)    Your eyes will look like something out of a horror movie while you are first learning to put your contacts in.  This is simply because you are touching your eyes more than usual.  It goes away as you become able to put in your lenses without touching your eyes much, but it’s a bit unsettling while it lasts. 

3.)    If you have been wearing glasses full time, looking at your naked face will freak you out.  I kept wanting to grab objects to hide behind like Wilson on “Home Improvement.”  I looked very different to myself, and it was weird.  I got over it after a couple weeks.