Bird Conspiracy Complex

A few weeks ago, my husband and I got a new car.  It was time to say goodbye to his '94 Saturn, and with his current work schedule we can't be a one-car couple right now without some serious headaches.  We really wanted an SUV, and we found the model we wanted at the price we wanted, thanks to my church networking group.  

Now, I am not a car person, or a driving person.  I never really enjoyed driving to begin with, and having a serious accident made me like it even less.  But I fell head over heels in love with our new car.  I feel so much more comfortable when I drive now.  When we got this car, a teeny part of me understood (sort of) why some people get so into cars.  Seriously, I was having a love affair with this car.

Which was why I was less than thrilled to find that some bird had left a gift right in the middle of my windshield earlier this week.  

If the bird crap had been anywhere else on my windshield, it wouldn't have fazed me.  I would've thought, "Meh, everybody poops" and leave it at that.  But there is no such thing as accidentally pooping right in the middle of a windshield.  I mean, really.  Think about all the things you can do by accident.  You can accidentally miss your exit.  You can accidentally forget to clean the litterbox.    You can accidentally slip on a banana peel.  But you can't accidentally poop right in the middle of someone's windshield.  

So to quote Taylor on Gilmore Girls, "I dare say these birds seem to be doing it on purpose."  

Yeah, I'm mature :P. 

Why Having Cats is Like Raising Toddlers

I came up with a list of reasons why having cats is like raising toddlers.  Here it is:

1.)  They hate being bathed and groomed.

2.)  They want whatever it is they want RIGHT NOW.

3.)  If there’s more than one, sharing is often a struggle.

4.)  Every now and then, you have to drop everything and clean up whatever they’ve gotten into this time.

5.)  They’re more interested in stuff that’s best left alone than in their own toys.

6.)  They can play the same game 50 times in a row and not get tired of it.

 

Message for Other Divorce Kids

 As you can see by some of my previous posts, I’ve been coming out of the divorce kid closet.  Out of respect for my family, I’m not going to go into too much detail about my particular situation on here.  If you’re a DK and would like to connect with me elsewhere online, I’d be more than happy to do so :).  I’m hoping that this post will provide some encouragement for my fellow Christian DKs, as well as provide an opportunity for DKs to connect with each other online.

In a nutshell, here is what I would love to say to all of you:

1.)  God loves you!  I can’t emphasize this enough.  No matter what your family situation is like, whether you are a Christian or not, no matter how many “Christians” have given you flak for your parents’ divorce, God loves you.  God is not the people who have hurt you.  God loves you unconditionally. 

2.)  Take care of yourself.  Whether your parents have gotten divorced recently or they’ve been divorced for years, it’s going to affect you.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.  You are going to deal with things that people without divorced parents don’t have to deal with.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s true, and I’d be doing you all a huge disservice if I wasn’t honest about this.  Do what you need to do to maintain your emotional well-being. If you need to see a therapist, receive prayer, keep a journal, take a job with fewer hours, whatever you need, please don’t be afraid to go for it.  You will be so much happier and healthier in the long run.

3.)  Build a support network.  I know this is easier said than done, because we live our lives surrounded by people who don’t “get” what it’s like to be a DK.  But we need people in our lives who will listen to us without passing judgment.  My support network still isn’t as big as I would like, but it’s a work in progress, and it’s a huge help. 

4.)  Work toward forgiveness.  Forgiveness is absolutely crucial.  If you want to experience true freedom and joy in this life, you need to forgive.  You need to forgive your parents and anyone who has mistreated you for being a DK.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting the other person off the hook.  It means letting go of their throat and believing God when He says He will take care of it.  It also doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries if a situation warrants it.  If someone is constantly saying or doing hurtful things and they won’t repent, you have every right to put some parameters in place to keep them from hurting you and protect the freedom you are working to achieve.

5.)  Seek out other divorce kids.  Like I said, we experience life differently from other believers and from people who do not have divorced parents.  We need each other.  For your own sake and for the sake of your fellow DK’s, please come out of the divorce kid closet.  Being a Christian is tough. So is being a divorce kid.  Put them both together and it’s a very narrow path to walk.  Let’s walk together. 

DK’s of any religious affiliation/belief system are welcome to join the discussion!  I just ask that everyone be considerate and respectful with your comments.

I really hope this post will come to serve as a springboard for more discussion and connection amongst DK’s.  Again, if you would rather swap war stories in private, that can be arranged.  Just leave a comment letting me know that’s what you’d like to do, and we’ll go from there :).

What I Want Pastors and Church Leaders to Know about Divorce Kids

This is the next installment in what I hope will become a series of posts on divorce and divorce kids.  Personally, I think all of this information is good for everyone, regardless of their role in the church.  But this post contains the bullet points that are especially important for pastors and church leaders.

1.)  We exist.  There is no such thing as a church that doesn’t have any divorce kids.  If you think your church doesn’t have any, it’s because people are ashamed to admit it.  With divorce rates being what they are, it’s next to impossible to have a church that doesn’t have any DK’s.

2.)  We need a voice, and a safe place to use it.  The church was not designed to be a fortress designed to keep sin out.  It was designed to function as a spiritual hospital for sinners.  The church has, thankfully, become a place where more and more people are able to safely open up about addictions and other issues.  For the most part, the church continues to be a dangerous place for divorcees and DK’s to share their stories and their struggles.  This needs to change.

3.)  We value Scripture and the sanctity of marriage as much as you do, even if our interpretations of Scripture aren’t identical to yours.  One of the most common misconceptions that church leaders have had about me as a DK is that I throw the Bible’s teachings on divorce out the window.  This couldn’t be any further from the truth.  When I say that my experience as a DK has changed my interpretation of Scripture, the response should not be to question my salvation, call me a heretic, or accuse me of Gnosticism.  The correct response would be to ask me for my views on this subject before jumping to such ridiculous and inappropriate conclusions. 

My next post on this subject will be for adult DK's in the church.  I will try to get that up hopefully by the end of next week, but I'm juggling a lot of other responsibilities right now.

Different, Inside and Out

If there’s one thing no one wants to be, it’s being thought of as different (in the negative sense of the word.)  Even in the church, people go to great lengths to blend in.  We sugarcoat the tough parts of our theology to avoid offending people.  We don’t want non-Christians to see us as different.

But the thing is, if you are a sincere Christian, you ARE different. You have been adopted into God’s family.  Being different is inevitable.  I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t be an authentic person and be everybody’s friend at the same time.  You just can’t.  I would know, I’ve tried.

By now, covering my head has pretty much become second nature.  I think that has a lot to do with accepting the fact that I already felt different before I started covering.  I won’t go into details here, but let’s just say I’ve faced quite a bit of opposition to the way I’m walking out my faith life, opposition from Christians and non-Christians alike.  I’ve felt different from the first day of this journey, and I’ve been realizing that this is not an accident.  On the contrary, it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be!

Buying Hearing Aids Online

 I recently bought a new pair of hearing aids online.  As I expected, several well-intentioned people questioned the safety and the efficacy of that choice, so I decided to do a blog entry about it.

Buying my hearing aids from Lloyd Hearing Aid saved a ton of money as well as time.  You take a hearing test online with headphones or earbuds, and they can program your hearing aids according to that audiogram.

In my opinion, buying hearing aids online is a perfectly viable option for people who have had their hearing loss formally diagnosed by an audiologist, have used at least one pair of hearing aids, and know how to read an audiogram.  I felt good about the decision to purchase my new aids online because I fit this criteria.  I could have had my old hearing aids reprogrammed, but they were having some problems and I wanted a pair that could use rechargeable batteries, so I took the plunge and got new ones.  I’m so glad I did!  (I’ll be doing another post on my new hearing aids for anyone who’s interested.)

I absolutely do NOT advocate ordering hearing aids online if you have never had your hearing loss formally diagnosed.  If you already use hearing aids but are experiencing sudden severe or profound hearing loss as a result of illness or injury, I would get that checked out before ordering new hearing aids.

Love/Hate Update 8/12

Love:
-my wonderful kitty, Esther (even if we're having ongoing disputes over which one of us my pillow belongs to)
-having a stash of homemade pie crusts in the freezer
-moving at a slower pace on the weekends
-my new hearing aids

Hate:
-the church's treatment of divorcees and divorce kids
-the way the church idolizes extroverts
-sinus pressure
-the fact that fall is too close for comfort.  September is about three weeks away.  That's just wrong.
-feeling like something is fundamentally wrong with me for choosing a life and a career path that's not "normal" (more on this coming soon)