I know I’ve been
horribly inconsistent in my blogging.
As I said in my recent love/hate update, I am currently going through a
lot of experiences that I don’t have much of a grid for. I think the only thing to do is take it
one step at a time and write about things as I have the words for them.
One of the things I am
wrestling with is the issue of grief.
You probably cringed as you read that sentence. Grief is not acceptable in our culture. But my dear grandmother is at the end
of her life, so it’s just around the corner for me, culturally acceptable or
not.
Recently, I had a couple
of interesting conversations about grief that I want to write about. The first friend I talked to, who is
much older than I am, told me that she chose to wear an article of black
clothing every day for a year after her father passed away. This external symbol of grieving acted
as a spiritual discipline of sorts.
This really resonated with me, as I will probably want to wear black for
at least a little while after my grandmother’s passing.
Then I was explaining
this to another friend who is also in her twenties. She commented that wearing black as a symbol of grieving is
old-fashioned, but since I like a lot of things that are considered
old-fashioned, she was not surprised that I wanted to consider it.
This response is what I
want to talk about. No offense to
my friend, but this is the typical Western view of the subject of
mourning. I want to point out this
little known fact:
It is only in Western
culture that external symbols of grief are considered abnormal, inappropriate,
or out-of-date. In Jewish culture
and other cultures, expressions of grief are perfectly normal and acceptable.
Here in the West, grief
is not something we know how to handle.
So we respond the way we always respond when we are faced with something
that’s uncomfortable:
We ignore it. And usually things go okay. For a little while.
Then the grief starts to
grow like cancer, slowly damaging our minds and our hearts. And as it grows, it evolves into anger,
depression, anxiety, numbness, or any combination thereof.
Grief that is expressed
and addressed in a healthy way will not grow into any of those things. If you have lost a family member or a
pet, you have to find a way to express your pain.
And that is why I will
wear black for as long as the Lord leads.
It will be my way of saying, “The world just lost a wonderful person who
was very important to me. I’m not
okay right now, but I will get to the point where I can live with it.”
I plan to do more
research on the Jewish customs for mourning. If you know of any books or webpages that would be helpful,
please post a comment!
