Ask Kati: DIY Tichels?

Q: Have you ever tried making your own tichels?  Got any advice for people who want to try making their own?

A:  I have yet to make my own tichels, mostly because it's cheaper to buy them and I'm on a tight-ish budget right now.  I'm also afraid that I wouldn't be able to sew on fabric that thin without snagging it.  The fabric is the main thing to consider if you want to make your own tichels.  You'll want a very thin fabric, something like organdy or a silk blend.   If anyone out there decides to make their own, please let me know how it goes and if you have any more tips! :)

A Return to Modesty, Part 2: Lies the World Tells About Modesty

 In Part 1, I talked about the two big lies the church tells about modesty.  In this post, I’ll be dissecting the two big lies the world tells about modesty.  Needless to say, there are tons of lies about modesty out there, but most of them fall under the umbrella of the two lies I’m going to talk about in this post.

Lie #1: Dressing modestly is always a sign that a person is ashamed of their body and/or sexuality.

There is so much I could say about this.  I will probably have to turn it into another post at some point.  I’m not going to deny that some people have negative emotions toward their bodies or sexuality because of past trauma or psychological wounds they received growing up.  That’s an unfortunately common scenario, and it can certainly lead to covering up more of the body.  But this is not the case for every single person who chooses to dress modestly.  For me, it’s quite the opposite.  Covering my head and dressing modestly is an outward expression of the fact that I am completely happy with my body and my sexuality.  In the Judeo-Christian tradition, sexual intimacy is kept within the context of marriage, not because it’s a shameful thing, but because it’s a sacred thing.  Now, I’ll readily admit that the church has fallen pretty short in this regard, and there is a lot of shame associated with sexuality even in the church.  But that is not how it was supposed to be.  Sex is supposed to stay within the context of marriage because that is the context in which it was designed to be the most beautiful, sacred, and yes, even pleasurable. 

Lie #2:  Headcoverings and modest dress should be avoided, because they’ve been used to oppress women.

That statement is true, to a degree.  Headcoverings and modest clothing have been used in female oppression in various parts of the world.  But they are simply objects.  Objects are amoral; they have no moral value.  Objects become moral or immoral when humans give them moral or immoral value judgments.  It would be ridiculous to say no one should ever build with bricks because brick was used in the construction of Auschwitz.  The brick was not to blame; it was the way it was used that was wrong and immoral.  There are also countless ways in which brick is used positively, such as in the construction of schools and hospitals.  Clothes and headcoverings are just cloth.  Yes, they have been used to oppress.  But they can also be used as positive external expressions of inward beliefs.

A Return to Modesty, Part 1: Lies the Church Tells About Modesty

I’ve been wanting to write about the issue of modesty for a long time.  Having done a lot of extensive soul-searching in this area, I have a lot to say about it.  I put off writing about it for awhile because I was having a difficult time putting words together.  Now that I’ve got my thoughts in order, I plan on writing quite a bit about the concept of modesty over the course of several blog entries to make it a bit easier to digest.

My views on modesty are very similar to those expressed in Wendy Shalit’s “A Return to Modesty”.  Although Wendy Shalit is writing for the secular world, there is a lot of biblically sound truth to this book.  I highly recommend it for anyone interested in the subject of modesty, regardless of their religious affiliation.

One question I get asked a lot is how feminism comes into play in my view of modesty.  I go into a little more detail on this in my blog entry entitled headcovering and feminism.

Alright, moving on to the main event here.  I know I’m opening a can of worms with this, but I have say it because it’s been bugging me for ages:  I firmly believe that most of the Christian viewpoints on modesty today couldn’t be any further from the truth.  It’s my belief that the church has accepted two huge lies, two false opposite extremes, on the subject of modesty.  Here they are:

Lie #1:  Modesty is all about covering up and avoiding sin and temptation.

Lie #2:  Modest dress and conduct is out-of-date and unnecessary in the church and the world today.

The idea that modesty is all about clothing is extremely dangerous on so many levels.  It can lead to the belief that our bodies and our sexuality should be sources of shame.  It boils the concept of modesty down to an overly simplistic, and I dare say legalistic list of do’s and don’ts.  I’ve read several stories written by girls and women who grew up in ultra-fundamentalist homes and grew to hate their bodies because their parents were such control freaks about what they wore.  That’s exactly what modesty is NOT about.  I'll be writing more about this in future posts.

Equally disturbing is the lie that modesty should be disregarded.  I know this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but it really bothers me when I see Christian women wearing tight pants and low-cut shirts, especially in church.  A few sincere believers have told me they don’t believe it’s necessary for a woman to be intentional about covering her body.  Based on my interpretation of scripture and my view on female discrimination in general, I have to disagree.  When a woman dresses that way, she is disrespecting herself and her fellow women.  When practiced rightly, modesty sends the message, “I value my own dignity and womanhood.”

That wraps up Part 1.  Part 2 delves into the lies the secular world tells about modesty.  I will get it written and posted ASAP, but I've got a lot on my plate right now, so please bear with me :).

An Anti-Question Culture

I was fed a lot of lies as a kid.  One of the most horrible lies is the lie that asking questions and asking for help is a socially acceptable thing to do.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: 

It's not.

We live in a culture where asking questions is not socially acceptable.  I'm not saying that people shouldn't be asking questions; we absolutely should.  But it's not socially acceptable.  Kids are afraid to ask questions because they know full well that either their classmates or even their teacher could make fun of them.

Which brings me to my next point.  Adults aren't much better than kids in this regard.  As I venture into healthier eating and self-sustainability, I have a lot of questions to ask.  To someone who has been doing all this for years, my questions might seem stupid.  But seeing as I am asking to get information, there is really no reason to chew me out for it.

I'd like to turn this into a discussion.  What are some positive and negative experiences you've had regarding asking and answering questions?  What do you think contributes to the creation of an anti-question culture?  What, if anything, could be done about it?

Love/Hate Update for 3/28/13

Love:  
-A weekend of great performances!  All Things New, the Easter show, is in full swing!  It's been a joy to work with such talented, wonderful people!

-Easter is this Sunday.  Next to Christmas, it's my favorite holiday.  I don't just celebrate the resurrection because I'm a "good Christian."  I celebrate it because I've lived it!

-it's finally warm enough to open the living room window.  I think Esther would live next to it if she could.

Hate:
-Food poisoning.  And stomach flu.  I got hit with one or the other this week.  I don't think I've ever been this sick.  I will turn into a food safety maniac after this, I can assure you!

I will be back next week with more entries in response to questions and comments I've been getting.  Have a great Easter, everyone!

Ask Kati: How can you be a headcovering feminist?

Ask Kati: How can you call yourself a feminist if you cover your head and wear modest clothes?

This is one of the questions I get asked the most, and I think it comes from a lack of understanding of what feminism really is. One of the not-so-good things that came out of the women's rights movement was the idea that you couldn't be feminine and feminist.  But true feminism, or more accurately, healthy feminism is more about choice than about femininity or gender roles.  I refer to this kind of feminism as "common sense feminism."  It is common sense that men and women should receive equal pay for equal work.  It is common sense that both men and women should be free to choose whether they want to enter the workforce or be a homemaker.  This idea of everyone having choices is a separate issue from the concept of gender roles.

The movie "Persepolis" gives an account of what life was like in Iran after the Islamic Revolution in the 1970s.  Women were required to wear veils whenever they went out in public.  Anyone looking at the situation would say that this was oppressive because it robbed women of their right to choose their own clothes and interact freely with males. 

I have been told numerous times that I "shouldn't" cover my hair or dress modestly because I have the freedom to do otherwise.  It's true that I am free to dress how I please and interact with the opposite sex in any manner I choose.  This is how I am choosing to exercise that freedom.  If I am in a situation where I "have" to leave my hair uncovered, I feel very exposed and uncomfortable because I feel as if my choice is being taken away from me.  If I want to share my body with one man in the context of a marital relationship, I should be as free to do that as other women are to have multiple partners.  If I decide that my hair is something I want to save for my husband's eyes only, then I should be free to do so.  To tell me I "can't" or "shouldn't" live my life that way is as ridiculous as making all women wear veils and penalizing them for talking with opposite-sex friends in public. 

Love/Hate Update for 3/17/13

It's been a rough couple of weeks, to be honest.  Between my grandmother's death, rehearsals for the passion play at church, and the other things I've mentioned, I'm pretty worn out.  But I'm also really feeling the need to stay connected with all of you.  So I'll give a quick love/hate update for now.  I'll write a longer entry as soon as time and energy allow.

Love:  the honor of participating in "All Things New", the full-length Easter musical that my church is doing this year.

Hate: how stressed everyone in the cast and crew has been as we tried to put all the puzzle pieces together during the full-cast rehearsals this past week.  I also hate having to do the crucifixion scene, with every fiber of my being.  There are no words to describe how much I hate having to yell "Crucify him!" or having to watch it.  Imagine having to watch your best friend being brutally murdered.  That analogy just barely scratches the surface of what I feel during that scene. 

Love: Dad's latest scan showed no signs of the cancer returning!

Hate: My grandmother passed away early in the morning, around 2am, on March 2nd.  Funeral was this past Friday.  I was very exhausted at the funeral. I hate that I came off as uncaring and insensitive.  Really hate that.